Medicated

Depression loves me
He wraps his arms around me
And tells me he'll never leave
He'll always be here
To consume me
Where as happiness and and her friends are temporary

But depression
He doesn't need to give me a shake
I just walk around
Unresponsive
I just walk around
In pieces
Because its too hard to be a whole

I need to bury myself now
Because I can't reach a destination
You're my best friend
Without any hesitation

You breathe your dark
Into my soul
And linger

You gave me a definition
You are who I am

Black with infinite depth and beyond

Where Am I

All in my mind
Fast forwarding to rewind
Uphill then decline
Can't explain
What's inside

Thoughts so loud
I can't see what's around
No matter how found
My hearts lost
No matter how happy
Those wings entail cost

And I'm getting heavy
No one to hear what's going on
In my head
All thoughts left unsaid

And I cannot escape
I am drowning
Wherever I lay
Wherever I stand
No comfort
No hand

Everything outside is beautiful
But Inside feels so dull
Everything hurts
Trapped and burning alive

But I'm
Alive
Inside
What feels like
A coffin
Waiting to be dug
And arrive to a light
On the other side

Whirl

I just don't want to think
About you anymore.

Your like ice in my brains.

My thoughts are a constant storm,
But I can't feel a thing.

There is no stop.
Cause soon the sun will rise

Do Not Resuscitate

A broken arrow wounding
The breathing, the beating.

Wind entering, exits.
And there is no concept of logic anymore.

All the love offered goes unrecognized,
Lost and sinking in a lonely soul.

Seeking, paddling, breaking.

Nothing ever feels enough.

No happiness to rely on trust.

And if I could start over,
I would.

Don't forgive my bare decisions
I don't deserve to live.

If all I can do...is hurt you.

A Butterfly's Broken Heart

The rush in your head,
Holds the spell on your body.

You don't want me,
Yet you won't let me go.

Stop chasing something you don't want to receive.
You've put me in a jar, and I'm waiting for oxygen.

Deprived of purpose and direction.
Suffocating on loss and overprotection.

My wings will break, the glass will shatter.
I will escape the hurt that matters.

You've poisoned me, and abandoned your efforts.

I will transform once more, my friend.
A second chance won't be back again.

You've drained me of my aspirations,
Wounded at a halted station.

But flying is the gift I was born to,
You can't cut off my wings if you won't use them.

The universe wants me back.

The Bricks We're Made Of

People are just shadows,

Silhouettes in the dark of a lamp lit room.

We don't really see anything but the wall we're cast on.

Our sudden movements, drawing motions like mere wind.

And everything that is golden is always buried in the last box.

Maybe that's why so many people create their own and fill it with jewellery. 

We hear about stories of the rainbow, and magic fairies from another land.

And we always believe or cling to the hope without the existence of it's presence.

If we could break down the wall,

Maybe we could land amongst another planet.

If we could break down the wall,

Maybe we could escape our sullen shadows.

Break away with the switch of a light, and enter a valley of Eden.

The Angels Are Crying

Every feeling crossed out
Lashed against your skin.

Marked, red and bruised.
My ghosts you've tried to see through.

But I've hidden under covers,
Where no oxygen is left to breathe.
Tripping through a tunnel,
Damp and out of ease.

I'm sorry if you're sorry,
But I don't need a reason to cry.
I'm sorry if you love me,
And answers are impossible for you to give away...

"Be with me," is all I begged,
Your silence in response drained my blood.

Tonight You Said Goodbye

I tore myself open for you,
You crawled right in.

No caution. No whispers.
Warning signs ignored.

Nausea now taking up my organs,
Heaving the regret you gave me.
The regret I let happen, all alone.

This sickness will eat me alive now,
I bid you leave.

Leave me.
It's easier to imagine you never existed.
A story I just read in a book.
I will bury it in the deepest, darkest shelf.

Never return to a vanishing soul,
That will not fight
For the heart you have already given.

Periphery

I never made anything
Of the debris you let collect
In a deserted apartment.

One that was once shared and streamed a live dream...

Company entered to join us at a table
Witnessing our flawless love.

Until the day we let out the dove
To rescue a piece of existence
After our wretched flood.

Her wings never flew back home.

Around The Block

The world started to feel small.

As if it were possible to walk one length to the other end in only minutes...

Desire started to drain, passion lost.

No sense of love just lack of interest, inspiration, emotions.

A staple to punch through all the loose, lost pieces of papers..

Pages stained, must be stacked together.

Because she is walking but her eyes are stuck on the ground.

The sky waits for her to glare back up again.

Hour Glass Life

Over there, you see.
The reflection in the mirror.
Only glass, looking back.

What is on the other side,
Of the breath I hear you breathe.

When they shut the door, I broke.

When we drove away, paralyzed.

The scratched disk skips and plays on repeat.

Flash, spark, rewind.

The white sinks in the carpet now, no substance left.
Just dry.

Sick

I dont want to get over anyone
Anymore.

So don't tell me that I will.
When I don't want to.

Dont tell me to let go.
When I cant.

Dont tell me to feel,
When I can't breathe.

If it doesn't last forever, I don't want to be here.
Im sick of pointless temporariness. 

Out of Tune

To get to these places,
beyond the shadows.

I am unaware
Of the departure.
Arrival.

Process of melancholy.
Constant state.

I live in the clouds.

Because I don't belong on land.

In the mind which speaks.
Consuming each aspect of being.

The heart cannot be found nor heard of.
It's been gone for much too long.

Makeshift

Temporary feels so useless, so lacking.

Of meaning, of truth.
Of life.

How do you fill spaces taken up by black holes,
When you are not given the power to do so?

Dust forms through windows in rays of gleaming moonlight.

Everything temporary searches for it's meaning.

The Endless Ending

The restless choke,
and daring laughter.

Have come out to tease my head.
Play with my heart, and leave again.

I'll wake up and it'll all be a dream.

Starting Line

Nothing is wrong.
Nothing is here.
Nothing is okay.

Nothing is wrong.
There is just a constant battle,
A constant war with myself.

It's exhausting.

It makes everything seem so much more than what it will ever be.
Or really, what it actually is.

I hurt too much when people leave.
I think too much to try and sleep.

I give up trying when coping with myself is unbearable.

I dont seek help because I dont want it.

I want the ability to do things on my own.
Even though I seem unable to.

I need help, I need an escape.
I need to be guided.
Loved.
Cherished.
Recognized.
Inspired.

But I just sit here, watching
My life pass me by.

Because Ive lost the starting line.

Detached in Imagination

Rolling waves, and staggering seas.
Wind being inhaled and exhaled out of me.
Fire twisting, igniting burning light.

Stars and planets to look up to through the night.

Thoughts in broken pieces and loss of memory or explanation.

All I feel is a pang. A sting. A burn. That continues to pulse through my entire being.

Taken up by beating sorrows captured in my heart.
Unwilling to let go and be released through my brittle veins.

A pen in my hand can't move, a thought in my mind can't breathe.
An eye in the dark cannot see.

Demand to be shot through a forest and lose your way home.
Contained with useful actions and communication.
So you won't have to think or learn
Just how to bear
everything you want ignored.

Im outside of my body, detached from the world.
And I am incapable of giving you an answer to anything of what it is in the world that is certain.
Or what is real.

The whistle of the wind, being wind.
I wish it were a friend.
That could tell me just what I am.

Helpless

I would help you. I want to help you, fix you, guide you, walk with you.
Share secrets, stories, fears, dreams, helpless thoughts, doubts and traumatic memories.

But I walk alone And I suppose I choose to be that way.

Because the truth is, I'm not really here. And I don't know how to help myself.

Good Enough is Never Enough

We give our all, and it gets tossed away. We give our hearts and they get broken. It’s as if we will never live without pain. It’s consistently there, fighting with everything we only hope to have.

Underneath it All

Breakdown. I can’t find. I can’t feel. Anything.

Hit with sharp knives, things that have been affecting you subconsciously. 

And you just want to feel alright. But that feeling isn’t there anymore. 

Every smile you see, every laugh you hear, I have forced out of me. 

And you believe it all.