Hold Your Hand

Dark rooms and laying.
Smoking and swaying.
Driving without reason.

The habits we create for replacing nothing.
I once knew trust.
But it has never been a friend.

And my mind plays with guitar riffs,
Like trees dance with wind.

Meditating within instead of without thought.

I swim through tangled webs.
Struggling, scared I will soon drown without air.

But I refuse to keep it simple.
This is the place Ill always be,
if you try to look for me.

But you can't enter somebody's hell.
Only your own.

Some find the exit door and lock it.
I keep away, and turn to shades.

Because even when the shades are down,
And I cant't see the sun.
It somehow shines outside each window.
Beating on frigid glass. 

Painted Pictures

What is it to be alone,
All you question, quivering bone.
What is it to feel within,
Aching regret from delivering sin.
And soon your name is not your own.
Under a fire sky, emptiness sewn.

And every time you tell yourself to fly
But you crash when you land.
Your heart loss was your sense of direction.
A pilot crawling through tinted clouds.

The Time Align

It was a message that lay in my lap.
You held me and whispered apologies,
Words I longed to hear after wasted time.

The process of mixed feelings,
Like digesting sheet metal.

Impossible and homicidal.

I did't pull your clinging force away from me,
I stayed and held a burned out fire.
Our forces were rekindled magnets from the past.

A night lived under stars and crowded patio gathering.
Your kiss was as close as a second, in my resistance.

Nostalgia and closure thanked the moment.
My brain fading off raging lust and peace of sorrow.

The cobblestone lead me home,

Alone.

Lucid Under Sunlight

The yellow outside casts shadows,
Each step I take sounds a beat.

I aim to be a plane silently swarming this Earth.

Fate has only given me one shovel,
I'll dig on my own until I begin to descend.
A simple symphony to leave my fossil within the land.

A sweep across the bend, and nothing feels more secure
Than the grip of the wind.

I have tossed the key to the home I have come from.
Empty handed, I walk. I kneel. I seek.

Surpassing the limits of reality,
Like blockages in clotted arteries.

Nature leaves me with new eyes, every time.
I smile and thank the trees for sending shivers down my spine.

Declining Freedom

Scorned in your stare.
Betrayed the home that held you.

Abandoned the love that made you.
Stole the people that let you.

One single quiet rose left blooming in fields array.
But the wind cannot move when there is nothing here to push it.

Thorns waiting to pierce through intricate fingertips that refuse to touch.
And each and every petal will melt it's red pigmentation
Into a puddle amongst the ground below it's fall.

Without the air, no voices will be carried.
Without a drip of love, hearts begin to grow weary.

Landscapes have collapsed like a painting of colours bleeding into one.

A lonely rose left uprooted in the earth continuing to hold it's roots.
It is possible to let go of everything, but the stem of pain expanding your fracture.

...

Yet time will leave you behind,
The way you deserted life treating you kind.
Like tripping over shoes left untied.
Impossible to heal what you cannot rewind.

Everything meant permanent in your life, has been chosen to be tossed out a window.
You cannot replace or retrieve what was given but gone unrecognized.

You will only realize this when your eyes reclaim they're potential
Of waking and blinking after a solid sleep.
Of focusing in on blurred vision.

And all you'll see is an empty room.
Not even the walls have been painted.

Creation is our artistry.
Destruction is your backfired weapon.

You can't go back to the house you left.
You can't take back the past that is gone.
You can't live without traveling the road ahead.

Each step you take is backwards,
Bad luck is not your curse.

Hands held out to save you,
Each time, you chose 'Reverse.'

Through The Path

You dropped me at the end of your rope,
I no longer know how to climb.

Landed among a broken comet, a dying garden.
The threads will break me down,
No one to sew them together.

Life and it's wind constantly exhaling,
Nature forgets to take a breath in.

Thrown out, rained out, washed up.
And we come here just to leave,
With wears of pain conceived.

Teach me to fly,
To stop me from falls.

White clouds blinding me,
No sleep decaying me.

I wonder if everything we wonder, could be real.
Love left us all a long time ago,
I'm not sure it can be found.

Leashes to be established.
Become my own security,
My own brace.

Attempting existence underground,
I can no longer dream against planets out of reach.

The dark can absorb my remains,
Break down, decompose.

Permanent footsteps imprinted on pavement,
Living above my caved, sacred basement.

This is my leave from you, world.


Sincerely,
Resisting your arrest.

Blending with Black

You push my black with your coloured painted palette 

I'd rather be the paper than the painter.

Slick strokes created the mirage of a bond once held together by a frame.

No longer a picture perfect portrait.

Friends biologically formed.

And drifting,

Don't let my solitude break your heart.

I like to stay closed while you blossom next to me.

Watch the world, I will watch you capture it.

But inside my closed petals, there is another I have made my own.

Shut Down

Cringing by the sound of your voices,
Eyes all on me.
Judged.

I can worry about myself.
I need space, air.

I need loneliness, isolate.

Your criticism isn't going to change me,
Or make me move faster.

Stop staring, judging, whispering.
Start asking, talking, trying.

It makes me happy to displease you,
It disgusts me that your happy when I'm unhappy with what I see in the mirror.

Content in my state of shrivel.
And I will literally shrivel to pieces,
Without you kept quiet.

You need a muzzle for that,
I have my own trap permanently yelling at me inside my head.

Restless For the Waiters

Everyday you sit
At your desk.

Check this page.

Invade this parade.

Because maybe if we could join each other.
No one would know what it feels like to be alone...

Sometimes I am willing to give that up.
But it's the only thing I have that is permanent.

Isolated in this seclusion,

No one can make this half a whole.

In Her Nature

These walls I stare at.
Impossible to see past, to see through.

In this silent, empty room.

Nothing but a window,
A world all too familiar to look out to.

If I must bleed to know what is on the other side.
Cut me open.

Let's run dry.

Submerged in obsession of my own developing thoughts.

'Cause this pen,
Is all I allow myself to have.

Swerve

Surging through my veins, I run.
Trapped beneath your wrath.

The candle light has begun to dim,
I melt in darkness.

And become my own.

Under covers.
Alone, eternally.

Your sand will turn to stone.

The Chase of Love and Broken Wings

And if you feel alone,
don't be afraid to tell me your words.

I will take you in with my wings,
I will take your words,
If you let me rescue you.

I see the world inside of you that is hidden
With your tears.

I will catch them if you let me.

Just a glimpse was all I needed.

But when you cast away, I am left stranded.
When you cast away I am lost.

You don't understand that all I wanted to do was love you.
I have forgotten how to fly.

Dust

I'd rather have the silence.
Then your strung out old fake words.
I'm tired of looking through dust.

Tired of looking at all.

If you want me then I can try to understand,
But don't act like you do,
and then suddenly walk away.
As if nothing happened.
As if you don't even know me.

I'd rather be alone,
Than share my secrets.
Than turn to your worthless sympathy.

You were never worth a conversation.
You were never worth an introduction.
You were never worth becoming a person to me.

Secrets

I have seen things that you don't notice,
and maybe never will.

I have felt things so strange,
No one has ever known.

I keep thoughts and ideas and pictures
Inside my head.

Only for me to hear.
Because I think if I tell you,
Your going to take it away.

I can't let any of you take these away,
These things inside of me.
As much as I have wished for them to end,
I wouldn't wish to give them up.

But you will never understand me,
Because no one ever tries to know me.

And I have never asked for help,
Maybe I don't want help.
Or maybe I just don't know how to ask for it.
I dont know
How.