Tonight You Said Goodbye

I tore myself open for you,
You crawled right in.

No caution. No whispers.
Warning signs ignored.

Nausea now taking up my organs,
Heaving the regret you gave me.
The regret I let happen, all alone.

This sickness will eat me alive now,
I bid you leave.

Leave me.
It's easier to imagine you never existed.
A story I just read in a book.
I will bury it in the deepest, darkest shelf.

Never return to a vanishing soul,
That will not fight
For the heart you have already given.

Torrent

Fishing board
Tossed in the sea

You ran through a window
A thought to rescue me

Broke your own soul
Took your own life

Broke your loves hearts
In their tears they fight

Holding on, searching up high
There was no time to say goodbye

A waste lost in regret
A world ending in sin

There are never any warning signs
Unless we just ignored them all..

Shell

I really lost my heart.
And this time I can't find it.
I call for it,
I look for it.
It is nowhere.
All that leads me, is my mind.
All I hear is my mind,
So I listen.

It could be up to me to change.
But instead, I sit here waiting..
Because it always feels like there is something that is going to happen.
Something, an awakening, anything.
Nothing ever happens. And the waiting will not. ever. stop.
Right?

So do I force myself up out the door and try to find sanity
within the crowds and routine lived by others?
Creating the same thing for myself...?

I am looking for my heart,
because I have blocked off everything I can feel.

And I can't feel.
So, I don't know
What I care about.

I try to dig that knife into my skin,
Into my wrists.
Just so that I can feel SOMETHING.

And I wake up to examine the marks I left.
I need to know that I am real. I need to feel it.
But instead.
I am just dead.
I am just...empty.

Just a shell.

The Dream I Never Dreamt

In all the words, in all the ways, in all the days, I lie awake.
I dream of you, I smell your scent, I dream and find my secrets to vent.

I find your touch, we kiss and break, we hold and let go, we see and become absent.

We talk and then we're silent.

You speak, and then ignore.

You look for me, I wait for you. You wait for me.

The pull of love, the exchange, the growth, the roots, becoming, ending.

The pulse quickening, slowing.

The heart break approaching, waiting.
Falling apart, replaying.

Tears, suffocating.
Everything you ever said, every moment we ever had has now bursted...

With all the numbness that is left, the emptiness, the loneliness.
My feelings have been disguised.

We were never real, were we?
I swear it just feels like a dream.

Secret Someone's

Someone broke their promise,

Someone made it rain.

Someone out there is crying,

Because someone is the one to blame.

Someone out there can't see,

Their life is wearing thin.

And all the other someones 

Just don't know where to begin.

Someone out there is dying,

Maybe that someone is already dead.

And someone out there is hurting,

with words they left unsaid.

Someone out there loves you,

Someone out there has been forgotten.

For every heart that is broken,

Love has been found.

Balance, gain, loss.

Break, heal. 

And know that someone out there needs you.

One of the someones is you.

The Founded Hurt

Something is gone.
And you want it.
But you no longer wanted it
when it was yours.

It brought you anger and frustration,
And you were done dealing with it all.

But i close my eyes and sleep at night.
And you are all I see.

I can't avoid you.
Even if you aren't in my life.
I still see you at night.

I try to walk away,
But in my dreams I only want you to stay.

And though my heart is already broken,
And I have fled to the sea.

All the feelings that I don't want
Find a way to rupture me.

Rupture a hole that has been healed,
Rupture the scars that have been sealed.

I have found the difficulty in breathing,
I once believed the world was leaving.

But it was only me,
Wanting to be gone.
It was only me,
The me you never even got to see.