Medicated

Depression loves me
He wraps his arms around me
And tells me he'll never leave
He'll always be here
To consume me
Where as happiness and and her friends are temporary

But depression
He doesn't need to give me a shake
I just walk around
Unresponsive
I just walk around
In pieces
Because its too hard to be a whole

I need to bury myself now
Because I can't reach a destination
You're my best friend
Without any hesitation

You breathe your dark
Into my soul
And linger

You gave me a definition
You are who I am

Black with infinite depth and beyond

Crisis Intervention

I burn from the inside out
Blood tears out of my skin
Cause there's no other way out

Scrape and bleed
Cry, don't breathe

Life blinds
All you see

Stuck in moments that never last
You're just pieces of the past
And I can't distinguish what is real
So I cut myself enough to feel

My lungs are black and filled with death
They can never understand
The thoughts at best

Drowning without a voice to call
I'll drown forever, now
Broke the last wall.

Lilium In Lithium

It wrestles, twists.
In spite of it's growth.
From the sprout of it's seed.

Forgetting all it needs.

Rejecting water ricocheting off it's own petals.

Pink, and soft.
White and light.

Streaming through the darkest of earth,
Roots extending below surface.

Wanting to be plucked, and gone.

Lilly droops instead, freckled on the inside, and rare.
Nature to sit by and stare.

But she keeps her head down.
Hoping the world to be erased from her memory.

And wake up in a field of seeded, seamed flowered dreams.
Drying, to a crisp. Quenching. Fighting. Dying, to be pulled out of this ground.
Taken away.

Nothing left but the devoured, shrivelled evidence of existence.

Starting Line

Nothing is wrong.
Nothing is here.
Nothing is okay.

Nothing is wrong.
There is just a constant battle,
A constant war with myself.

It's exhausting.

It makes everything seem so much more than what it will ever be.
Or really, what it actually is.

I hurt too much when people leave.
I think too much to try and sleep.

I give up trying when coping with myself is unbearable.

I dont seek help because I dont want it.

I want the ability to do things on my own.
Even though I seem unable to.

I need help, I need an escape.
I need to be guided.
Loved.
Cherished.
Recognized.
Inspired.

But I just sit here, watching
My life pass me by.

Because Ive lost the starting line.

Choke

Worthlessness chokes it's hands around my throat.
And I'm gasping for air that is out of my reach.

Tears exploding, face becoming damp.
Hyperventilating the pain stabbing at my heart.

Slaughtering the feelings I can't explain.

Excruciating.
And you keep turning away from me.
Assuming the worst of me,
Don't ask what's wrong.
Just keep throwing your weapons at me.

And I continue to drown.
Invisible.

Falling and waiting to fly.
But I never hit the bottom.
I'm waiting to break.

Leave this world.
This world doesn't want me.

Pain, hurt, searing within me.
I battle this fight everyday,
And I fail, and I bleed.

My screams cannot be heard.
Inside I suffocate.

Hanging on by a thread. And I only want to let go.
Land upon a different star.
This one is dying,
This one is burning.

I want to learn to shine.
I want to feel light.

I want to be okay.
And I don't know how much longer I'm willing to wait..

Surface

For some reason, I think as death as an escape.
Sometimes I want to do it, to myself.

I can't handle this pain that I feel.

Every day. It never ends.
And every time it ends, it always finds a way back.

Maybe if I were over, all this pain that's apart of me would be over too.

If you could give me one reason to live, one word to inspire me, one person to love me and not leave.

If you could just give me help, an answer, a hand.

Maybe you could help me to believe that if my life ends I'd be crying for a way back.

Being at the bottom of the sea is the lowest I could possibly get.
And still, I don't see the surface when I look up.