Where Am I

All in my mind
Fast forwarding to rewind
Uphill then decline
Can't explain
What's inside

Thoughts so loud
I can't see what's around
No matter how found
My hearts lost
No matter how happy
Those wings entail cost

And I'm getting heavy
No one to hear what's going on
In my head
All thoughts left unsaid

And I cannot escape
I am drowning
Wherever I lay
Wherever I stand
No comfort
No hand

Everything outside is beautiful
But Inside feels so dull
Everything hurts
Trapped and burning alive

But I'm
Alive
Inside
What feels like
A coffin
Waiting to be dug
And arrive to a light
On the other side

The Mindless

What have you carried away?

All of the broken bones.
With no where to store them.

Just take them, and leave them.
And come back for more.
There is nothing left, for robbery.

The lack of heart you cannot find, gives you no right to take from mine.

Do Not Resuscitate

A broken arrow wounding
The breathing, the beating.

Wind entering, exits.
And there is no concept of logic anymore.

All the love offered goes unrecognized,
Lost and sinking in a lonely soul.

Seeking, paddling, breaking.

Nothing ever feels enough.

No happiness to rely on trust.

And if I could start over,
I would.

Don't forgive my bare decisions
I don't deserve to live.

If all I can do...is hurt you.

The World Whisperer

The thunder in my head pulsing,
But my eyes have not begun to rain.

Accepting will lend you freedom,
Evacuate the pain.

Silence is the cue to thinking.
Drowning in the dark.

But every time one holds my hand,
They tend to leave a mark.

Lead me to an infinite ladder,
Bring me to the sky.

I have inhaled a dream to explore the world entire.
And I long to say goodbye.

Through The Path

You dropped me at the end of your rope,
I no longer know how to climb.

Landed among a broken comet, a dying garden.
The threads will break me down,
No one to sew them together.

Life and it's wind constantly exhaling,
Nature forgets to take a breath in.

Thrown out, rained out, washed up.
And we come here just to leave,
With wears of pain conceived.

Teach me to fly,
To stop me from falls.

White clouds blinding me,
No sleep decaying me.

I wonder if everything we wonder, could be real.
Love left us all a long time ago,
I'm not sure it can be found.

Leashes to be established.
Become my own security,
My own brace.

Attempting existence underground,
I can no longer dream against planets out of reach.

The dark can absorb my remains,
Break down, decompose.

Permanent footsteps imprinted on pavement,
Living above my caved, sacred basement.

This is my leave from you, world.


Sincerely,
Resisting your arrest.

Nostalgia Avenue

The tears on your pillow case,
Have evaporated.

That's all you have left,
Of a night left in pitch black.

Left in awe
Of the final event
You never called.

An expectation you didn't hold.
I am the pilot flying the chambers of my own heart..

Over distant, sparkling
And far away lands.

In all of that I cannot grasp
An understanding
For why you choose not love,
But fear.

Tonight You Said Goodbye

I tore myself open for you,
You crawled right in.

No caution. No whispers.
Warning signs ignored.

Nausea now taking up my organs,
Heaving the regret you gave me.
The regret I let happen, all alone.

This sickness will eat me alive now,
I bid you leave.

Leave me.
It's easier to imagine you never existed.
A story I just read in a book.
I will bury it in the deepest, darkest shelf.

Never return to a vanishing soul,
That will not fight
For the heart you have already given.

The Incessant Reject

Consistently let down.
Shaken up, unwanted,

Build me a rocket,
Fly me away.

Im exhausted and humiliated of this cruel place.

Toyed and tied, entirely undone.

Blind to purpose anywhere.

No heartbeat found. 

Burning

Out of reach,

you shine so bright.

Like a star blinks

against the night.

And I want to land among you're horizon

But I dont know if I am seen.

I want to hold you're heart,

and explore you're weary soul.

If I were to give you the sun

it would never burn out, never die.

I try to give you signs,

Without you're notice, I dont know if Ill survive.

I want to escape this shell I'm submerged in 

Can you give me one last time?

Ill lend you all of the soul I have left of love

Because you light me up, light this life.

Breathing In Sand

In the wake of you're terrain
I am exposed.

You have left me stranded
In the sands of you're desert.

You have left to say goodnight.
You have left to say goodbye.

You have left me.

In the wake
Of this shrinking terrain.
A land all you're own.

I can't find the exit signs.

Wounded

I know she left a mark.
But all I'm trying to do,
Is erase it.

You won't let me.

Shell

I really lost my heart.
And this time I can't find it.
I call for it,
I look for it.
It is nowhere.
All that leads me, is my mind.
All I hear is my mind,
So I listen.

It could be up to me to change.
But instead, I sit here waiting..
Because it always feels like there is something that is going to happen.
Something, an awakening, anything.
Nothing ever happens. And the waiting will not. ever. stop.
Right?

So do I force myself up out the door and try to find sanity
within the crowds and routine lived by others?
Creating the same thing for myself...?

I am looking for my heart,
because I have blocked off everything I can feel.

And I can't feel.
So, I don't know
What I care about.

I try to dig that knife into my skin,
Into my wrists.
Just so that I can feel SOMETHING.

And I wake up to examine the marks I left.
I need to know that I am real. I need to feel it.
But instead.
I am just dead.
I am just...empty.

Just a shell.

Roots

The plane preparing for take-off,
Fell to the ground.

The girl waiting for the boy,
Walked away.

The clock flying by,
Stopped working.

The world eternally spinning,
Ended.

The blood pulsing through your veins,
Came to being still.

The loss in your heart,
Disappeared.

The love of your life,
left.

But the roots that clench into the ground.
Hold you together.
Piece by piece and branch by branch.

You will become a forest, a battle,
endless growing, reaching to the height of a drifting cloud.

Trees that are soliders
Fighting, pulsing
Roots digging, deeper. Into the ground.
And you will never move, and you will never become lost.

Never Seen

You never turned back around.
To look for me.
Never called my name again.

Never asked if I were okay.

But you still echo in my head.
And there is nothing but silence you left between.

It hurts more seeing that I was never seen
At all.

Surface

For some reason, I think as death as an escape.
Sometimes I want to do it, to myself.

I can't handle this pain that I feel.

Every day. It never ends.
And every time it ends, it always finds a way back.

Maybe if I were over, all this pain that's apart of me would be over too.

If you could give me one reason to live, one word to inspire me, one person to love me and not leave.

If you could just give me help, an answer, a hand.

Maybe you could help me to believe that if my life ends I'd be crying for a way back.

Being at the bottom of the sea is the lowest I could possibly get.
And still, I don't see the surface when I look up.

The Rush That Pulls You Down

And if you want to leave me
Leave now.

And if you try to hurt me,
Hurt me now.

But I have guards encircling me before I hit the ground.

And if you want to run,
You better start now.

This is as alive as you're going to get.
With every breath, withdraw what needs to be gone.

You aren't lost,
You just don't see the way out.

I Am Not the Chosen One

"He hurt you, didn't he?"

I turned away and replied "No."

Because he didn't hurt me,

He killed me.

Underneath it All

Breakdown. I can’t find. I can’t feel. Anything.

Hit with sharp knives, things that have been affecting you subconsciously. 

And you just want to feel alright. But that feeling isn’t there anymore. 

Every smile you see, every laugh you hear, I have forced out of me. 

And you believe it all.

Break Me

You don’t love. 

You only say you do.

You only pretend. 

And I wonder how you can do that to a person,

A person who would die for you.

Skipping Beats

I am everywhere.
I am pieces.
I am air.
I am dark and light.
I am sun and sky.
I am wind and warmth.

My heart beats, my lungs expand.

My mind changes everything, everyday.
Sometimes I forget who and where I am.
Other days I know exactly what this is.
Exactly what I want.

But today I woke up to feel like I am disappearing.
Losing. Giving up hope.
Falling.

Waiting.
To hit the bottom, and crash.

Crash into more pieces,
multiples of millions.

Of Earth and sand and traveling particles.
To reach space, and stars and all countries of the world.

Because these places are lacking me, and I am lacking them.
Lacking love, and discovery and life in other universes.

I'm trying to hold on,
But I feel like I am being pulled into another place,
On the other side.

Somewhere else wants or needs me,
And I don't want to be here anymore.

I just want to feel alive,
Feel okay.

Feel whatever it is I can't anymore.

I think that I've lost my heart.
I think my chest is filled with sadness,
And now all that I am... is incapable of breathing.