Ancient Loneliness

Everything you take is like a photograph.

Now I have nothing left.

No more angles, no more stories, no more positions or movement.

I am solid. A staue gone unidolized in a crowd at a museum.

They forgot what I am made of,

They forgot my name.

Everything captured, has not been emptied. 

A build up of raging cells in a volcano stir and erupt in my brain.

And when I dream, I can't wake up.

I have to face the monsters I've been shielding all day long.

Around The Block

The world started to feel small.

As if it were possible to walk one length to the other end in only minutes...

Desire started to drain, passion lost.

No sense of love just lack of interest, inspiration, emotions.

A staple to punch through all the loose, lost pieces of papers..

Pages stained, must be stacked together.

Because she is walking but her eyes are stuck on the ground.

The sky waits for her to glare back up again.

Makeshift

Temporary feels so useless, so lacking.

Of meaning, of truth.
Of life.

How do you fill spaces taken up by black holes,
When you are not given the power to do so?

Dust forms through windows in rays of gleaming moonlight.

Everything temporary searches for it's meaning.

The Lonely Roots

It was a place,
Where our roots mingled.

Like oak trees overgrown,
with benches in a shaded park.

Petals of our budded flowers,
Tracing circles on the pavement
Pushed by wind..

You're roots have
Started to dissolve.

I'll take up this place
On my own.

With the space you have left empty
For the sun to shine...

Helpless

I would help you. I want to help you, fix you, guide you, walk with you.
Share secrets, stories, fears, dreams, helpless thoughts, doubts and traumatic memories.

But I walk alone And I suppose I choose to be that way.

Because the truth is, I'm not really here. And I don't know how to help myself.

Forgive, don't forget.

It wasn't you who upset me. You really want to know what I'm upset about? I can't remember the last time I was happy. The last time I was happy, I was living life and loving it, learning and realizing myself the way I never had before. I wasn't ready for a relationship but I agreed to put myself in that position when I answered "yes." to establishing one with you. I had just found my happiness and soon after that, misery stole  me back. You took away my fucking happiness. I'm not okay with myself when I look back and realize that happiness could have lasted longer. I ignored my instincts, the warning signs by trying to believe I'd be missing out on a great opportunity if I didn't take it. But it ended. I wasn't what you wanted. I gave it my best. It wasn't enough for you. And now I have to start all over again. You wasted my time, and I let you. I was consistently waiting for you, always let down and disappointed. But I was still the one who was willing to fight. You just let me go like it was nothing, like it was so easy. Do you feel pain?

You cut me out of your life and now I'm here again. And it isn't fair. I don't deserve this. You definitely never deserved me. I understand that. It's unfortunate I am even experiencing these feelings when you have already been seen prancing around other girls...Did I really mean nothing to you, at all? Am I really that worthless?

The answer is no, I'm not. You had no right to let me feel that way. No right..At all. Who do you think you are? That is something I'll never know. You deserve the misery in your life, and not having time for anyone. You don't deserve anything. I would never say such a thing. About anyone. But I realized I hate you. I try not to, but I do. And I will not apologize for it. You will never find someone like me. You lost your grip and I'm glad you let go. Because I notice so much more. And I bet you don't notice a thing at all. You once told me you were heartless... I should have believed you.

Find Me

I just want to be found.
But who is willing to do the searching,
and the caring
and the love.

Who will give me all of that?
If you exist, where are you?
And how much longer will it be till you get here...