Psychosis

I can't feel anything.
Just razor blades inside.
They cut at me.
And I can't push them away or put them down.

Blowing holes, like bullets through organs.
And the voices in my head won't disappear.

I am suffocating on my own heart.

And I stop myself from letting myself go.
Out.

How do we find a way to save ourselves...
When we can't ask for help?

Around The Block

The world started to feel small.

As if it were possible to walk one length to the other end in only minutes...

Desire started to drain, passion lost.

No sense of love just lack of interest, inspiration, emotions.

A staple to punch through all the loose, lost pieces of papers..

Pages stained, must be stacked together.

Because she is walking but her eyes are stuck on the ground.

The sky waits for her to glare back up again.

Conscious Bud Of Light

In the cell vibrating, pulsing
A fluid producing existence.

Floating and wandering beyond
These hollow streets,
And fleeting countries.

A sour sun that burns,
Scoured earth on scorching panorama.

The outside blooms green,
Like veins appearing as river streams.

Escaping through the tubes, producing oxygen to a beating heart.

Cut it off, to find the bittersweet termination.

The timing circling in quickening paces.
Days becoming years, smiles becoming fears.

Over and above, I am willing to break myself off.
This path. This cell is shaken. Lost in an airway.

No longer living like broken skin off a mattress waiting to be swept.
Ultimate aspiration bleeds for death.

Level after layer, after step after floor.
Can't distinguish where the reality is.

Waking, or dreaming.
Breathing or Sleeping.
Pinch me. Wake me. Suffocate me.

Sound the alarm.
Where do I wake from bewildering shudder rest
Or is it psychasthenia?

Fleeting

If there is something that could save me, do it now.
If there are reasons for this temporary, please let me know now.

If you could help me feel sane, please. Cure me now.

I have lost passion.
I have lost.
Feeling.

I am breathing but not existing.

Breaking down, and missing.

This life, it could not be real..

Starting Line

Nothing is wrong.
Nothing is here.
Nothing is okay.

Nothing is wrong.
There is just a constant battle,
A constant war with myself.

It's exhausting.

It makes everything seem so much more than what it will ever be.
Or really, what it actually is.

I hurt too much when people leave.
I think too much to try and sleep.

I give up trying when coping with myself is unbearable.

I dont seek help because I dont want it.

I want the ability to do things on my own.
Even though I seem unable to.

I need help, I need an escape.
I need to be guided.
Loved.
Cherished.
Recognized.
Inspired.

But I just sit here, watching
My life pass me by.

Because Ive lost the starting line.

The Chase of Love and Broken Wings

And if you feel alone,
don't be afraid to tell me your words.

I will take you in with my wings,
I will take your words,
If you let me rescue you.

I see the world inside of you that is hidden
With your tears.

I will catch them if you let me.

Just a glimpse was all I needed.

But when you cast away, I am left stranded.
When you cast away I am lost.

You don't understand that all I wanted to do was love you.
I have forgotten how to fly.

Self-Murder

What is in my head is hurting, is aching.
You don't know what they do to me.
And you just hope for me to stay submerged.

In this ocean, of fear, darkness, and insomnia.

"Kill. Yourself. Death. Die. Dying."
They whisper.

And I have no way to escape.
I once assumed death is my way out.
Of this trap I am consumed by.

If I could find the way to break free
I will never be coming back here.

Helpless

I would help you. I want to help you, fix you, guide you, walk with you.
Share secrets, stories, fears, dreams, helpless thoughts, doubts and traumatic memories.

But I walk alone And I suppose I choose to be that way.

Because the truth is, I'm not really here. And I don't know how to help myself.

Surface

For some reason, I think as death as an escape.
Sometimes I want to do it, to myself.

I can't handle this pain that I feel.

Every day. It never ends.
And every time it ends, it always finds a way back.

Maybe if I were over, all this pain that's apart of me would be over too.

If you could give me one reason to live, one word to inspire me, one person to love me and not leave.

If you could just give me help, an answer, a hand.

Maybe you could help me to believe that if my life ends I'd be crying for a way back.

Being at the bottom of the sea is the lowest I could possibly get.
And still, I don't see the surface when I look up.

Endless Dreams In A Sun lit World

Life is full of not only beauty but of people and places. Families and friends. Laughter and happiness. Loneliness and sadness. Cultures and celebrations. Mountains and oceans. Rainfalls and sunshine. Someone needs help somewhere. Anyone could help someone anywhere. Use your spark. Never stop dreaming, and dream from your heart. No matter what someone thinks or says. Chase after whatever is screaming inside of you. Life is too short and there is never a right time. So start running now. Take pictures, learn lessons, share yourself. Find yourself. Love yourself. And finally, love others. Love someone. Let yourself go completely. Glare into sunsets, watch the sunrise. Explore the entire world. Whatever you are waiting for, is waiting for you. So, don't wait, take a breath and go. Let go. Live fully and do everything which holds your heart. Nothing is impossible only if you let it be. You have a soul full of sunlight, so let it shine in this world. And don't let anyone block it out. Light overcomes darkness. And you are golden. Filled with golden dreams.

The Search for Guidance

Reassure me with encouraging words that I have the ability of doing this.
 Sometimes I feel like I'll just stop breathing.
Give me guidance to fight the panic.
I've forgotten why I'm here.

Secrets

I have seen things that you don't notice,
and maybe never will.

I have felt things so strange,
No one has ever known.

I keep thoughts and ideas and pictures
Inside my head.

Only for me to hear.
Because I think if I tell you,
Your going to take it away.

I can't let any of you take these away,
These things inside of me.
As much as I have wished for them to end,
I wouldn't wish to give them up.

But you will never understand me,
Because no one ever tries to know me.

And I have never asked for help,
Maybe I don't want help.
Or maybe I just don't know how to ask for it.
I dont know
How.