Failing at Quitting

Lowered to your degree,

Given away. Entirety. Everything.

Effort, after effort, and there is still no return.

Accepted your silence, rebelled against protection.

I was never good at goodbyes,

Here is the approach.

Magic potion, stealing heartbeats.

Vital signs created to prove that we're alive.

No matter what they tell you, it doesn't feel that way inside.

Shut Down

Cringing by the sound of your voices,
Eyes all on me.
Judged.

I can worry about myself.
I need space, air.

I need loneliness, isolate.

Your criticism isn't going to change me,
Or make me move faster.

Stop staring, judging, whispering.
Start asking, talking, trying.

It makes me happy to displease you,
It disgusts me that your happy when I'm unhappy with what I see in the mirror.

Content in my state of shrivel.
And I will literally shrivel to pieces,
Without you kept quiet.

You need a muzzle for that,
I have my own trap permanently yelling at me inside my head.

Indecisive Ringlets

Pulling on my thread,
Thrusting the door closed.

I don't know what motion to keep constant.
I don't know what words are not wasted.

I can't wait on you forever, but I don't want to walk away.
I can't wait on you forever, but your choice is made not to stay.

Cutting off the thread.
Locking the damaged door.

Walk in or walk out,
I will no longer revolve.

I will no longer stand.
Patience bleeds like pulsing arteries.
You have cut out too much, in your own open surgery.

The rain is falling for you.
In it's million different patterns, for you.

Welcome the overcast.

The Haunting Residue

Red in the eyes,
Protrude, contrive.

Slide of sticks, coat glossy ice.

Count the lines of tracing skates,
That's how long you've been gone.

The rings around a tree bark,
So late it is, they continue to lap around.

Countless circle, after circle.
Your forest dissipating.

What's left? You say, your ghost.

Such a tasteless, restless soul.
You stole.

I dont want to be asked anymore questions.
I just want to go.

Abandonment

My heart clings, you leave.
It stings.

You go away.
You never come back.
We never speak again.

My heart is left with a permanent mark.
A reminder to not get close to people.

I could never understand why goodbye's have been so difficult for me.
But I realize now. Im alone.

The few I have let in, the few I were close with that meant everything to me, disappeared.
I lose faith.
And start to believe that I am meant to be alone.

The guards grow, I will never escape this cave I've surrounded myself with.

But everyone else will...

The Rush That Pulls You Down

And if you want to leave me
Leave now.

And if you try to hurt me,
Hurt me now.

But I have guards encircling me before I hit the ground.

And if you want to run,
You better start now.

This is as alive as you're going to get.
With every breath, withdraw what needs to be gone.

You aren't lost,
You just don't see the way out.

Soul Search

And every cut you scar me with,
Just numbs me to the core.

Everything like shattered glass, I've felt it all before.
And if you try to take my hand,
Just watch for it to break.

'Cause everything you steal from me,
I can't continue to replace.

I'll stay lost behind these walls,
You won't see me if I fall.

The time keeps moving, Im feeling small.

Try to take me away.
Try and steal, but i'm afraid.
You have no words left to say.

You can't take what you break.
You can't take what you took.

Like a heart
continues to beat.
Like the soul in my body, two things that continue to meet.

And if I could disappear,
I would want to be some place so far away from here.
So far away from here.

Don't try to look in my eyes.
Don't try to wipe back my tears.

This isn't your place.
You got no right to leave me,
With fear.

So what did you do to me?
Why did you leave me here?