The World Whisperer

The thunder in my head pulsing,
But my eyes have not begun to rain.

Accepting will lend you freedom,
Evacuate the pain.

Silence is the cue to thinking.
Drowning in the dark.

But every time one holds my hand,
They tend to leave a mark.

Lead me to an infinite ladder,
Bring me to the sky.

I have inhaled a dream to explore the world entire.
And I long to say goodbye.

Through The Path

You dropped me at the end of your rope,
I no longer know how to climb.

Landed among a broken comet, a dying garden.
The threads will break me down,
No one to sew them together.

Life and it's wind constantly exhaling,
Nature forgets to take a breath in.

Thrown out, rained out, washed up.
And we come here just to leave,
With wears of pain conceived.

Teach me to fly,
To stop me from falls.

White clouds blinding me,
No sleep decaying me.

I wonder if everything we wonder, could be real.
Love left us all a long time ago,
I'm not sure it can be found.

Leashes to be established.
Become my own security,
My own brace.

Attempting existence underground,
I can no longer dream against planets out of reach.

The dark can absorb my remains,
Break down, decompose.

Permanent footsteps imprinted on pavement,
Living above my caved, sacred basement.

This is my leave from you, world.


Sincerely,
Resisting your arrest.

Nostalgia Avenue

The tears on your pillow case,
Have evaporated.

That's all you have left,
Of a night left in pitch black.

Left in awe
Of the final event
You never called.

An expectation you didn't hold.
I am the pilot flying the chambers of my own heart..

Over distant, sparkling
And far away lands.

In all of that I cannot grasp
An understanding
For why you choose not love,
But fear.

Hour Glass Life

Over there, you see.
The reflection in the mirror.
Only glass, looking back.

What is on the other side,
Of the breath I hear you breathe.

When they shut the door, I broke.

When we drove away, paralyzed.

The scratched disk skips and plays on repeat.

Flash, spark, rewind.

The white sinks in the carpet now, no substance left.
Just dry.

Shell

I really lost my heart.
And this time I can't find it.
I call for it,
I look for it.
It is nowhere.
All that leads me, is my mind.
All I hear is my mind,
So I listen.

It could be up to me to change.
But instead, I sit here waiting..
Because it always feels like there is something that is going to happen.
Something, an awakening, anything.
Nothing ever happens. And the waiting will not. ever. stop.
Right?

So do I force myself up out the door and try to find sanity
within the crowds and routine lived by others?
Creating the same thing for myself...?

I am looking for my heart,
because I have blocked off everything I can feel.

And I can't feel.
So, I don't know
What I care about.

I try to dig that knife into my skin,
Into my wrists.
Just so that I can feel SOMETHING.

And I wake up to examine the marks I left.
I need to know that I am real. I need to feel it.
But instead.
I am just dead.
I am just...empty.

Just a shell.

The One Who Won't Stop Waiting

The feeling of waiting.
I wonder.."Does it ever really go away?"
Sometimes I just wish all of this would stop.
Everything that I think..I start to feel. And it eats away at me.
Everything inside me is uncertain and unknowing.
Unendingly questioning every existence.
Every thought, every word, every feeling.
Every thing.

And I wait for it to pass. But it never does.
You never find what you're waiting for
because eventually there will be something else to wait for.
The cycle that is infinity.

And sometimes I think that maybe...we will never disappear.
Maybe it's impossible.
When it's possible my brain is my own expanding universe.

Choke

Worthlessness chokes it's hands around my throat.
And I'm gasping for air that is out of my reach.

Tears exploding, face becoming damp.
Hyperventilating the pain stabbing at my heart.

Slaughtering the feelings I can't explain.

Excruciating.
And you keep turning away from me.
Assuming the worst of me,
Don't ask what's wrong.
Just keep throwing your weapons at me.

And I continue to drown.
Invisible.

Falling and waiting to fly.
But I never hit the bottom.
I'm waiting to break.

Leave this world.
This world doesn't want me.

Pain, hurt, searing within me.
I battle this fight everyday,
And I fail, and I bleed.

My screams cannot be heard.
Inside I suffocate.

Hanging on by a thread. And I only want to let go.
Land upon a different star.
This one is dying,
This one is burning.

I want to learn to shine.
I want to feel light.

I want to be okay.
And I don't know how much longer I'm willing to wait..

Good Enough is Never Enough

We give our all, and it gets tossed away. We give our hearts and they get broken. It’s as if we will never live without pain. It’s consistently there, fighting with everything we only hope to have.

Surface

For some reason, I think as death as an escape.
Sometimes I want to do it, to myself.

I can't handle this pain that I feel.

Every day. It never ends.
And every time it ends, it always finds a way back.

Maybe if I were over, all this pain that's apart of me would be over too.

If you could give me one reason to live, one word to inspire me, one person to love me and not leave.

If you could just give me help, an answer, a hand.

Maybe you could help me to believe that if my life ends I'd be crying for a way back.

Being at the bottom of the sea is the lowest I could possibly get.
And still, I don't see the surface when I look up.

After the Rain

And every time you look past the dark,
There will be a glitter in the air.

And every time you remember how to smile,
There will be eyes that are cleared.

And every time you hold your breath,
Just look before you drown.

'Cause you can change your life at any moment.
You can turn it all around.

Don't give up, just because you feel pain,
Remember it will leave, it will fade away.

Fight for your dreams, and cut away your fears.
So where will you go once the rain disappears?

Underneath it All

Breakdown. I can’t find. I can’t feel. Anything.

Hit with sharp knives, things that have been affecting you subconsciously. 

And you just want to feel alright. But that feeling isn’t there anymore. 

Every smile you see, every laugh you hear, I have forced out of me. 

And you believe it all.

Skipping Beats

I am everywhere.
I am pieces.
I am air.
I am dark and light.
I am sun and sky.
I am wind and warmth.

My heart beats, my lungs expand.

My mind changes everything, everyday.
Sometimes I forget who and where I am.
Other days I know exactly what this is.
Exactly what I want.

But today I woke up to feel like I am disappearing.
Losing. Giving up hope.
Falling.

Waiting.
To hit the bottom, and crash.

Crash into more pieces,
multiples of millions.

Of Earth and sand and traveling particles.
To reach space, and stars and all countries of the world.

Because these places are lacking me, and I am lacking them.
Lacking love, and discovery and life in other universes.

I'm trying to hold on,
But I feel like I am being pulled into another place,
On the other side.

Somewhere else wants or needs me,
And I don't want to be here anymore.

I just want to feel alive,
Feel okay.

Feel whatever it is I can't anymore.

I think that I've lost my heart.
I think my chest is filled with sadness,
And now all that I am... is incapable of breathing.

The Cure For Pain

"Heaven knows, I try to find a cure for the pain. Oh my lord, to suffer like you do. It would be a lie to run away..."

-Jon Foreman.