Algebra

If it were you,
It wouldn't be dark in this room.
Because you would be the light.

If it were you,
I wouldn't be bitter.
Because you would be sweet.

If it were you.
I wouldn't be alone.
Because you would need me.

If it were you.
I wouldn't feel stolen.
Because you would love me.

And everything added, is subtracted.
You were a distorted equation.
With no positive sign.

Silent Sleeper

Never wanted nothing more
Than to be loved.

I tried to be everything you need.

All it was for nothing.
All I am is nothing.

And it plays on repeat.
Everyone pass my heart, take a shot at me.

I can't wait till I'm gone.
The pain I almost cannot feel - anymore.

Like intravenous, all nerves sedated.
I will sleep through heartbreak with the blinds down.


Goodbye sunlight.
I don't know when I'll see you again.

The Dream I Never Dreamt

In all the words, in all the ways, in all the days, I lie awake.
I dream of you, I smell your scent, I dream and find my secrets to vent.

I find your touch, we kiss and break, we hold and let go, we see and become absent.

We talk and then we're silent.

You speak, and then ignore.

You look for me, I wait for you. You wait for me.

The pull of love, the exchange, the growth, the roots, becoming, ending.

The pulse quickening, slowing.

The heart break approaching, waiting.
Falling apart, replaying.

Tears, suffocating.
Everything you ever said, every moment we ever had has now bursted...

With all the numbness that is left, the emptiness, the loneliness.
My feelings have been disguised.

We were never real, were we?
I swear it just feels like a dream.

Giving...up.

My heart is breaking. Every guy I have ever admitted to liking, never returns the feelings. And the most recent guy just shut down a chance, when it very well had the potential for us to spark. I give up. I’m seriously done. All guys do, is use you and disappoint you. And i’m so tired of hurting. My heart belongs to me, and no one can have it anymore.

Forgive, don't forget.

It wasn't you who upset me. You really want to know what I'm upset about? I can't remember the last time I was happy. The last time I was happy, I was living life and loving it, learning and realizing myself the way I never had before. I wasn't ready for a relationship but I agreed to put myself in that position when I answered "yes." to establishing one with you. I had just found my happiness and soon after that, misery stole  me back. You took away my fucking happiness. I'm not okay with myself when I look back and realize that happiness could have lasted longer. I ignored my instincts, the warning signs by trying to believe I'd be missing out on a great opportunity if I didn't take it. But it ended. I wasn't what you wanted. I gave it my best. It wasn't enough for you. And now I have to start all over again. You wasted my time, and I let you. I was consistently waiting for you, always let down and disappointed. But I was still the one who was willing to fight. You just let me go like it was nothing, like it was so easy. Do you feel pain?

You cut me out of your life and now I'm here again. And it isn't fair. I don't deserve this. You definitely never deserved me. I understand that. It's unfortunate I am even experiencing these feelings when you have already been seen prancing around other girls...Did I really mean nothing to you, at all? Am I really that worthless?

The answer is no, I'm not. You had no right to let me feel that way. No right..At all. Who do you think you are? That is something I'll never know. You deserve the misery in your life, and not having time for anyone. You don't deserve anything. I would never say such a thing. About anyone. But I realized I hate you. I try not to, but I do. And I will not apologize for it. You will never find someone like me. You lost your grip and I'm glad you let go. Because I notice so much more. And I bet you don't notice a thing at all. You once told me you were heartless... I should have believed you.

The Founded Hurt

Something is gone.
And you want it.
But you no longer wanted it
when it was yours.

It brought you anger and frustration,
And you were done dealing with it all.

But i close my eyes and sleep at night.
And you are all I see.

I can't avoid you.
Even if you aren't in my life.
I still see you at night.

I try to walk away,
But in my dreams I only want you to stay.

And though my heart is already broken,
And I have fled to the sea.

All the feelings that I don't want
Find a way to rupture me.

Rupture a hole that has been healed,
Rupture the scars that have been sealed.

I have found the difficulty in breathing,
I once believed the world was leaving.

But it was only me,
Wanting to be gone.
It was only me,
The me you never even got to see.