Forgive, don't forget.

It wasn't you who upset me. You really want to know what I'm upset about? I can't remember the last time I was happy. The last time I was happy, I was living life and loving it, learning and realizing myself the way I never had before. I wasn't ready for a relationship but I agreed to put myself in that position when I answered "yes." to establishing one with you. I had just found my happiness and soon after that, misery stole  me back. You took away my fucking happiness. I'm not okay with myself when I look back and realize that happiness could have lasted longer. I ignored my instincts, the warning signs by trying to believe I'd be missing out on a great opportunity if I didn't take it. But it ended. I wasn't what you wanted. I gave it my best. It wasn't enough for you. And now I have to start all over again. You wasted my time, and I let you. I was consistently waiting for you, always let down and disappointed. But I was still the one who was willing to fight. You just let me go like it was nothing, like it was so easy. Do you feel pain?

You cut me out of your life and now I'm here again. And it isn't fair. I don't deserve this. You definitely never deserved me. I understand that. It's unfortunate I am even experiencing these feelings when you have already been seen prancing around other girls...Did I really mean nothing to you, at all? Am I really that worthless?

The answer is no, I'm not. You had no right to let me feel that way. No right..At all. Who do you think you are? That is something I'll never know. You deserve the misery in your life, and not having time for anyone. You don't deserve anything. I would never say such a thing. About anyone. But I realized I hate you. I try not to, but I do. And I will not apologize for it. You will never find someone like me. You lost your grip and I'm glad you let go. Because I notice so much more. And I bet you don't notice a thing at all. You once told me you were heartless... I should have believed you.

Hell

You brought a storm,
When I had found my happiness.

You took it away from me,
you made me miserable.

You left me constantly waiting and disappointed.
And you said the words "I love you."
But in the end they weren't what you meant.

You took away my sun,
You stole it.

You made me feel worthless.
You threw me away.

And now I'm lost.
I'm fucking lost.

I have built up so much hate.
I don't know how to forgive you.
But I know it's what I need to do to let go.

I can't right now because I saw all the warning signs,
and I chose to ignore them.

You left me disappointed not only in you, but myself.
I hate you. And  I wish I could yell those words at you.

You don't deserve anything you wish for.
You only deserve misery. And hell.

I hope you fucking go to hell.