the truth about freedom

The space between inhale and exhale

the space between stars

fill up with air, and collapse into dust

I walk a sunlit path and breathe with the trees

I look out the window and see the world as an illusion

dreamer dreaming on the inside, she shifts like the wind

but its all fog outside

layered with mist and murky 

evolving in a deceiving world

she walks to the edge of the earth

and jumps 

the universe catches her below

soaked in the stars and moon dust

moving with the celestial mystery of the unknown

more real than the world thats conformed

more free than the ones locked in chains

expand your wings to float in light

come alive, come alive

the heaven you dream of is yours.

and the world will keep spinning

losing its shape, losing its state.

I swim in the depths of imagination 

I paint together and blend the magic of creativity

in my heart space, find your heart space

fearless and rooted

ill fly by, to remind you of the magic within the sky

possibilities that swirl around but you’re blind to let go and surrender 

surrender your mind, surrender the fight

you battle yourself, so you can’t take flight

just one more breath and you’ll be free

to the air that holds space within the trees

to the waves that crash with the ocean breeze

and when you wake up

dont forget to shine

a new world that awaits

and exists without time.

***

Note

I have come a very long way since returning home in December.
I have healed myself with yoga and meditation, Inspired myself with
words from Deepak Chopra, Rumi, Osho, and Eckhart Tolle.

Achieving my peace, happiness, self-love and acceptance is the best feeling I have ever felt.
I was very low for very long. And I didn't know anything above it until now.

I have so much gratitude, for life, the universe and everything.

All the people who show me love and raise me up, all the ones I look up to.
I also thank myself, for waking up and looking within my heart.

For the longest time I thought I had lost it, both my heart and mind.

I have learned much over the past year about who I am, where I have been lost,
Where I have been found, my strengths, my weaknesses. I have built myself, and I
see clearly the things I need to work on.

I am at my very best and I am glad.

I will be pursuing myself as a Yoga instructor come fall and I am very excited about that.
As it feels it is my one true love.

Yoga has saved me, guided me, nurtured and strengthened my mind, body and soul.

It is the one thing I want to dedicate my self and my whole life too.

It betters me.

So I look forward to it taking me to new and happy journeys full of love and light and beauty.

I may decide to start a new blog based solely on yoga, and where I will be in the future.

When I create this I will be back to post the link for you.

Thank you to all of my followers who have been there for me, and read my writing through some of my deepest and darkest times.

I am so happy to let you know I have found the light, and I hope you're all well :)

Thank you for all of your support, feedback and making me feel purposeful. For every time I felt worthless I would come here to write, and received your support and encouragement in return. It truly lit me up to know that someone, somewhere was reading my words, and appreciated them.

Writing was there for me when I was lost in a dark place, but now I have found a new love that I had forgotten about for a while.

(Yoga - as mentioned earlier.)

Taking care of myself has truly been rewarding and I want to teach and praise others to feel as wonderful as I do, provide people with whatever guidance they may need. I hope can be as inspiring as the inspiration I have felt.

I send all my love to you on telepathic wings, and to whomever may need some.
I hope you can feel it pass by, surround you, or rush past you like a gust of wind.

Love, Light, and Peace.


Namaste,

B.

Our Hidden Secret

You came down like rain
To kiss the ground.
Surround me,
I run to find shelter for myself.

If I were Earth you'd be like the water
That fills the depths,
Creating rivers and streams within me

Until we explode,
Into one spiral galaxy
And spin infinitely,
Eternally.

You could see the light from miles away,
And they point and talk about our beauty.

But we silently swirl, entwined
In and out of control.

Fear

Do you ever get a weird feeling inside? And you don't know what it is. But it's not something good. And it aches. But it's dull. And you don't want to acknowledge it? But you should.

Is it possible to be overly courageous and do you think having such a quality can destroy some parts of you? Or maybe all of you.

And have you ever experienced an unbearable emotion, but time goes by and then one day it hits you. Like maybe, you never really felt what you were feeling at the time you were feeling it. But remembering it now makes it real.

Fear isn't real but I fear, fully. I fear fear. I fear things that don't exist. I fear scenarios I make up in my mind. I fear my nightmares.

Because when I feel fear, it feels as if I'm about to die. Fear isn't real, I've heard. But it's realest thing in my life.

A Higher Consciousness

As I inhaled, the air swam into my lungs filling the spaces beside my heart. It made me feel lighter, almost free. Like petals falling off of a flower, letting go of the bud they once held onto.

I realized there are two worlds out here. The one we look at, eyes wide open. But there is a whole underground tunnel when you close your eyes. Inside your mind. It will guide you to places where colors can fly, where sky hangs in shades of pink, and people are not people. But rather floating, glittering miracles sitting in a light you can't find in reality. To get here you must be connected. You must believe. There is a gateway from the crown-at the top- of your head which extends into the Universe. Grab my hand, I'll take you.

This is no Peter Pan story, where a boy filled with dreams will come through your window and take you to Neverland. But I imagine that story could have came from the same place I'm talking about. Maybe I should ask the author.

Outsiders

What if the Earth was a snow globe,
And the person who picked it up
To shake it,
Caused earth quakes,
Caused movement.

Then set us down,
To watch it snow
And come to stillness.

Wondering what it would be like
To be inside. As if it were real life.

The world looks big to us,
But our world looks small
To them.

Two Souls

Yesterday you walked by me,
And dropped your heart on the floor.

I wish I could give it back to you.

A Lotus Rises

The fatigue
Is ever lasting.
I thought the same about darkness,
Until then came light.

I have placed myself
Along elements
Earth, air, water, fire.
Back to the roots,
Feel grounded.
Back to the connection
Feel one. All is one.

And when your heart is racing
Just close your eyes and send
A trusting thought
Into the universe.

Light a candle and swim,
Keep your gaze on the flame.

It dances and wakes up the dark,
Comforts, and warms your aching bones.
Sit and stay a while,
Breathe and kiss your solid wounds.

Spaceships In The Sky

There are spaceships in the sky,

There are windows in your eye

There are voices in my head

There are teardrops on my bed

There are cracks in all your veins,

There are locks on all your chains

There are gateways to your dreams

There are footprints to drifting streams

There is mystic in the rain,

There is loss when you refrain

There are secrets that stars hold

There are lights inside our soul

There is life after death

There is oxygen in the last breath

There is space between you and me

There are sparks beneath the sea

And nothing can put out the flame

That holds this world’s kaleidoscope

A spinning, infinite telescope

Were watching, were moving

Were flying and spinning

Were breaking and building

Were dying and living.

To live, then live again.

Recycled, reborn

In and out

Like sleep and wake

Cant you see were just a cycle?

And fear will keep you here.

Blow out the flame like a candle

And sink within, seep.

Lie within, whats buried deep.

You forget what you keep there,

My mind is just a drawer.

And everytime I dig

I always find there is something more.

And there are spaceships in the sky,

And there are days I sit and cry

And someday you will understand

All you hold within your hand.

When Sarcasm Is The Truth

You're shaken up
From the stress at work today.
You're in pieces,
about being able to pay your rent tomorrow.
You can't sleep,
Because you're thinking of the responsibilities
waiting on you tomorrow and the next days of your life.

Meanwhile, death could be knocking at your door.

Any hour. Any minute.

Any second.

But it doesn't matter.
Because there are more important things to do.

Black Hole

The fear that pulses through these veins
It's like a poison
It makes you ill, paranoid, terrified.

I've never known a better enemy nor friend.

Have you tried to break yourself?
But really you just wanted to operate the pain out.

We use destructive methods,
When we can't figure out accurate ones.

Do you get bored with solutions?
You want one so bad,
But at the same time
You feed off of being so lost,
So hurt.
You really just want to know,
How much deeper
You can get.

How much more pain
You can take.

So you break yourself.

Why must we always discover the paths
With dead ends?
Circles.

You can't hit the breaks when you're afraid.
You have to speed into the terror, eyes wide open.

Walk straight this time,
Be brave next time.

Forgiveness

When the spinning stops,
When your head is up
From under the water
A new breath arrives.

You've only been running
Because you've been so afraid
Now you shut off, close the door
To the cave where you lay,
Where you have been.

I heard you say you're sorry
But so much lost trust
Will leave you.

When you're alone,
Amidst you're own battles
That's when you
Walked with regret.

Shut off, close the door.
To the cave where I lay.
That's where I've been
Darling,
Thats where I'll stay.

The Envy of Time

Please step away
From the shriveling cold
You know you're more
Than what you've settled for
Quietly moving
Because you don't know
When to slow down

I just needed to be held
Escape the world
Inside my head

And breathing
Only turns to fog
So please step away
From the shriveling cold
Kissed my lips
The wish I sold

Songs of Summer

Comes like waves
And falls from skies
Just a pain
We can't compromise

Held on tight and shortly
You were light
And I was free

Then you turned off inside
Left me here to wonder why
And I can't control
How we feel
But baby,
I wish you could tell me
If it was real
Everything we wanted
Everything we shared
Anything that's over now
Anything that's left you scared
Endings are beginnings
Started as we were leaving

Just a tangled web
With no words left...

The fifth

One day
Months ago
You opened my chest,
Stole it.

One day long ago
You bled me open
Dried me out.

Taught me, hurt me, left me, broke me.

Just as you break yourself.

And after every broken heart beat,
I love you ...

You will never know this.

The War Inside

I don't know how
To get up
And say hello

Hello
Life
Hello, world
I'm here.

Cause I'm not here
Not ready
Not wanting
To take on a day

Just want to collapse and fold
Just want to break down
Cry
Be done

See black
Not have to wait for another alarm

I'm filled with fire
And anger that flames
Filled with evil that shuts out
And hates
All the souls
All of love

I want to disappear
I want all the pain
I fear

So burn me up
And bleed me dry
Not a smile
Worth faking a try

Hurt me, crawl inside my head
And eat away at it
Echoing away at me

Medicated

Depression loves me
He wraps his arms around me
And tells me he'll never leave
He'll always be here
To consume me
Where as happiness and and her friends are temporary

But depression
He doesn't need to give me a shake
I just walk around
Unresponsive
I just walk around
In pieces
Because its too hard to be a whole

I need to bury myself now
Because I can't reach a destination
You're my best friend
Without any hesitation

You breathe your dark
Into my soul
And linger

You gave me a definition
You are who I am

Black with infinite depth and beyond

Where Am I

All in my mind
Fast forwarding to rewind
Uphill then decline
Can't explain
What's inside

Thoughts so loud
I can't see what's around
No matter how found
My hearts lost
No matter how happy
Those wings entail cost

And I'm getting heavy
No one to hear what's going on
In my head
All thoughts left unsaid

And I cannot escape
I am drowning
Wherever I lay
Wherever I stand
No comfort
No hand

Everything outside is beautiful
But Inside feels so dull
Everything hurts
Trapped and burning alive

But I'm
Alive
Inside
What feels like
A coffin
Waiting to be dug
And arrive to a light
On the other side

Morning Hues

I've heard you've lost
Your head in the clouds.

I heard you cannot speak
Out loud.

I heard you fell
From outer space.

I heard the Earth
Quiver and shake.

But if I were sent
To the edge of this world
I'd just dive off
And never swim back..

Crisis Intervention

I burn from the inside out
Blood tears out of my skin
Cause there's no other way out

Scrape and bleed
Cry, don't breathe

Life blinds
All you see

Stuck in moments that never last
You're just pieces of the past
And I can't distinguish what is real
So I cut myself enough to feel

My lungs are black and filled with death
They can never understand
The thoughts at best

Drowning without a voice to call
I'll drown forever, now
Broke the last wall.