Break Me

Im over the storm,
Ive got the rainbow.

Im over the waves,
I've got the shore.

It's the aftermath
that is not letting me through.
Everything that has been destroyed
is crowding around me
and I need to find
an escape.

A way out of here.

Im reaching, im holding
im trying to let myself be pulled up

But I keep slipping off the rope
which im holding onto

I broke through the clouds
I found the sunshine.

I broke through the ashes,
I found clean air.

but it follows me no matter where I go,
and Im trying so desperately to follow your lead.

Im going, but im numb.
Im here, but im gone.

How do I break down the door ive built myself?
Ive done this all on my own
And now I need to free myself.

Shield

How do I take down this shield
that's stopping me
from feeling
thats stopping me
from letting you in completely.

Im scared to feel again
I have to break through
or this will go nowhere
I have to break through
and let my emotions come through.

Everything has been blocked
and all I have left is a smile.
But I need to know that I can feel again
Or i'll never whats real.

Help me to feel pain,
help me to feel you.

I can see it all
but im shielded
behind my own army
its been built
through all the tears
its been built
through growing years.

take me down,
defeat me.

and let me love again

This is fantastic:

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."
-St. Augustine

What is Love?

There are different types of love. I feel them all differently, and would describe them all differently. There is love that you feel with family, there is love that you feel with friends, there is love that you feel for yourself, and there is love that you can feel for another, who may or may not love you in return.

Although if you are asking me in general what love means to me I would say that it is everything that holds me together. I feel that love is everything that we are surrounded by. Love means everything. Love is unconditional. Love is just, love.

Now if you were asking me specifically what love is or what it means to me toward another person, someone intimate, then I would have a totally different answer than the love I carry or feel for family or for myself. Have you ever been in love? Do you know what it feels like to have feelings so strong for someone you would do anything for them.? Do you know what it feels like to have your heart broken, and all that you feel is pain, and agony? That helpless feeling that no one can get you out of but yourself. Have you ever silently cried yourself to sleep night after night for years over a person and they have no idea how you feel about them? Have you ever had your love rejected? I have. I can answer yes to all of the questions I have asked. So, I can tell you what love means to me.

For a long time I debated whether or not it was love that I felt. If I was in love, or just seriously infatued, or both? But I look back and I know in my heart that I loved him with every part of me. When your in love you cant describe it, when your in love, your certain. I had a friend that asked me “But how do you know if your in love?” and my response repeatedly was “You just..know.”

Now im not going to write down my sob story to you but I will simply answer the question your asking several people. To me, love is when you love someone more than you love yourself. Love is when you'd give anything and everything to be with that person. When you'd die for that person, if they're life depended on it. Love is when you know and love everything you know about the person, and they make you a better person because they bring out the best in you. Love is when you want to know every song they listen to and sing along with them, love is when you want to share your life with a person. When you want to be apart of that person's life and no one else's. When you can't see anybody else because no one can compare. When your heart is aching just to speak or see them again. When you cant let go because it hurts. When you look at them and it makes your day. When you know they're the only person in the world who can make you feel okay. When this person is all you think about and the reason you cant sleep at night. When nothing else in the world matters because you have them with you, by your side.

Love can be brutal. Love can hurt or even kill a person. Love can not only tear someone apart, but also heal them. Love can make everything look and be twice as better than it actually is or once was. When everything seems black and white, love gives it colour and light. When everyday you had a reason to cry, love then gives you a reason to smile. When you feel safe, when you feel at home when your with them, together.

I know that love can be both beautiful, and brutal. I have only experienced one side of it. I have only experienced the love that I never got to feel in return. I only got to feel the pain that comes when it's over. I only got to feel lust, want and need. Lonely, hurt, broken and lost. On a postive note, I have yet to experience being loved in return. Loving someone and being loved back, being with someone, being a part of them. That is love. Sharing your happiness as well as sorrows and supporting every decision the person makes, love is endless, love is undefineable. It is only what you feel and there is so much that it cannot be put into words. It is seen in so many different ways. And some people have been hurt so bad, that they dont even see love, at all. But deep down I think they hope to love again, to feel again what was once lost or broken. Love will find it. Unlike fate, I believe in love. I have once denied it but now understant its truth, its existence. Although other things in life may fail or go wrong, love never will. Love wins.

Hide and Seek

I wonder why I can't
bring it back.

There is a light,
but it is not bright enough to follow.

There is a light,
but everything has been left in the dark.

Lost in the dark.

Hidden forever.

*

At least now, there is no way to look back.
The past is easier to let go of when you can no longer see it,
no longer feel it.

Everything has died.
Nothing can be found.

Amnesia

It felt like shards of glass,
penetrating through my skin,
through my heart.

It felt like I was going...
..to dissapear.
All the while I thought I was fading,
I am still here.

Amnesia attacked some part of my brain,
the one that is gone, the one that made me lose,
Lose my insanity.

I try to flash back, but there is nothing I can feel,
I try to let out, but there are no words to come out.

I never let it out.
And now it is gone.

I never let it escape.
And now it's buried too deep,
I can't find it.

Locked away,
chipping away.
Fading permanently.

Maybe there is a reason
for why it felt surreal.
For why I cant remember it the way that I felt it.

I was in agony,
Screaming as if I were set on fire.

No one took out the fire.
No one saw it burning.
And so I have turned to ash,
and blown away.

Memory no longer serves,
once its gone.
You have to make new ones,
new memories.

I lay here
In the dying sun.
I lay here in this depleting world,
And I wonder, what is next to dissapear?

What I thought I felt was so real, never was.
Maybe life isn't as real as we want the reality of it to be.

If life is gone, you'll never know.
Unless some part of you lives on,
The part that's left you
with this lingering song...

I found this little bit of poetry while doing some searching on Google, I loved it so I just thought I'd share:


I Would Live in Your Love

by Sara Teasdale

I would live in your love as the sea-grasses live in the sea,
Borne up by each wave as it passes, drawn down by each wave that
recedes;

I would empty my soul of the dreams that have gathered in me,
I would beat with your heart as it beats, I would follow your soul
as it leads.

exhilaration

On top of the world.
On top of the sea,
I'm sailing the waves
that are floating beneath me.

Unlocked the door,
Broke off the chains.
Ive broken through
all the ash that remains.

Learned how to use my wings again,
When once upon a time I thought it was the end.

Giving chances, taking in the breeze.
Smiling comes with all of these.

Found a destination, and I dont ever want to leave.
I love where this is going, and I truly believe.

Believe in this bud that sprouted from underground.
Something is growing, and Im not turning back now.
Risks are worth the chances, take what you can get.
Always try, but never regret.

I cant take this smile off my face,
the excitement runs like fire through my veins,
Hold me close now, dont pull away.
Or else I just might float away.

Im running and there is no way for me to stop,
my heart will just keep beating
all the way
to the
last
drop.

Heart Break

Okay I don't believe I have any followers of this blog, since no one has ever posted a comment on anything i've ever written, otherwise I encourage you do to so. I would love to hear your thoughts on my poetry, even if you have suggestions or something, I even take criticism positively. I would just like to hear what people have to say about my words, if there is anything please leave it for me to read, I would appreciate it!

ANYWAY,

Over half a year ago I had my heart broken by someone who meant the world to me, I just meant nothing at all to them. The feelings were not there in return, so my love was not accounted for, I didnt matter. I was nothing. At all. I tried to force myself to move on for years, but I couldn't..which eventually lead to my heart being broken once I had the courage to tell him how i felt.

No one helped me through my heartbroken process, no one ever talked to me, listened, asked what was wrong, gave advice, I suffered in silence. No one that I know, not even the people I live with has ever heard the words, or the story inside of my head, I dont know what it sounds like when I say it out loud, or cry it out loud. I have only cried to myself, I have only heard what is in my head written down on paper, and I have only heard my thoughts keep me up through restless nights of brutal endless crying.

So, I just wanted to post a topic, an article, just something I have an urge to talk about which is "Heartbreak". I have a sister who is going through exactly what I went through. I know how to help, but I cant do anything. She doesnt want the help. She wont talk. She doesnt want anything. or anyone. She has blocked herself from feeling anything at all, I know exactly where she is cause I was there once too, the difference is, there was no one to guide me. No one ever even offered to help. Even though I knew there were people around me that love me unconditionally, I wanted more than anything for someone to ask me, talk to me, anything. Even if I didn't open up. But no one did. I never asked either. I dont know which bothers me more, the fact that i dont acknowledge help, or the fact that people dont come to me and I dont know why..
I felt unwanted most of my life. Even though I have an amazing family. And alot of times I think i'm the only one who believes in myself, but that is all that matters. I found myself, I know who I am, and I am comfortable. I am happy. Now.



I understand heartbreak is a hard thing to deal with. But I seriously encourage people to act on seeking help, because I never did. That wasn't healthy. I mean, I'm fine now. Ive come such a long, long way. I never thought I would move on, or move out of the black hole which I fell into. But here I am. Existing outside of it. That pleases me. I did it on my own. See, now I understand my sister doesn't want the help, but that just hurts me to not be able to help her. It's frustrating. Heart break is definitely something you have to deal with on your own though. And I say that because I did it on my own and I discovered so much. Not only about myself, but about life. The thing is you spend your whole life searching for happiness, or searching for something and you dont even know what it is your searching for. THAT was me. I even started going to church at one point because I thought I was searching for God. I did EVERYTHING. I looked everywhere. I realize I looked everywhere except for within myself. I was avoiding my emotions, my problems, me. It was when I looked in and saved myself that my entire life changed, and I changed for the best.

The biggest problem is that people are ignorant. And not only to others but to themselves. That is wrong, it's unhealthy and it will just make you unhappy. The thing is you dont even realize your doing it. I had a conversation with a friend that woke me up, and helped me see. Her words to me? "Let yourself out." And that is the best advice I had ever been given. I wont forget it.

I once read in an article that when someone is heartbroken don't take it as an exaggeration, and feel sympathy. When you are heartbroken your brain works the same way as when you get an injury and you start to feel actual, real physical pain. Sad, isn't it? When someone tells you that they're heart is broken they mean it, literally.

When your in love your brain works opposite, it produces chemicals (dopamine, norepinephrine and serotonin) which gives you a high. But don't mix falling in love with lust, or infatuation. They are completely different. I feel the media and society is so chaotic and has blinded everyone with so many different messages, that love does not even have the meaning it should have anymore. It's brainwashing, but people thrive on the media not even realizing the huge negative influence it has on everyone and everything.

Sorry for my rambling, I didnt mean to distract off the topic. Heart break is a very strange distress. It's not only mental, but emotional, physical, just in general you are distressed as a whole. You dont know what you are doing. I describe it as if the person is in a trance, and they start to not care about anything. Not even themselves. It is a huge process... There is no cure to a broken heart, but as time passes, wounds heal. Over time you step stones. And once you get across the river, don't look back, dont regret, dont hurt. Just accept what has happened, who you are and everything now. The thing with heart break is the person doesnt see beyond what they are in, its like the black hole is the only thing that exists. Its not.

I believe people have the power to help themselves, everyone has the answers within themselves, it just seems it's always the last place people look. But so much can cause that, there can be so many reasons for why. I just say that if you believe in yourself, find yourself..you will be okay. No one listens. Listen to your heart. Breathe.

Let yourself out.

Healing is a process, no one can do it for you. No one can "fix you", you can only help yourself. Don't rely on others when you have just discovered that they can only hurt you.

you know what is wrong, you know what to do, start as you mean to go on.