Sick

I dont want to get over anyone
Anymore.

So don't tell me that I will.
When I don't want to.

Dont tell me to let go.
When I cant.

Dont tell me to feel,
When I can't breathe.

If it doesn't last forever, I don't want to be here.
Im sick of pointless temporariness. 

All I Need

Lost without your presence
A message that quickens my hearts pace.

Too late to grasp now.

I will drown in all the loneliness I have left of living.

Out of Tune

To get to these places,
beyond the shadows.

I am unaware
Of the departure.
Arrival.

Process of melancholy.
Constant state.

I live in the clouds.

Because I don't belong on land.

In the mind which speaks.
Consuming each aspect of being.

The heart cannot be found nor heard of.
It's been gone for much too long.

With Demons

The monster inside of me,
This is all for me to fight.

Tired of the defences.
Tired of caution.

Tired of living.

Dissecting Yellow

The lemon lost its nectar,
Produced it's last lonesome function

At the bottom
Of this cup.

Destructed

Feverish mania consuming, encircling.

A climb with broken limbs,
A swim with damaged lungs.

A blade to be dragged upon waken skin.
Convinced the pain isn't real.

It's only a neurones impulses.

Suicide seen as selfishness.

But that is exactly how this is,
Trapped in ones own obsessions.

To end the raging agony,
Is to escape it. Don't you see?

Conscious Bud Of Light

In the cell vibrating, pulsing
A fluid producing existence.

Floating and wandering beyond
These hollow streets,
And fleeting countries.

A sour sun that burns,
Scoured earth on scorching panorama.

The outside blooms green,
Like veins appearing as river streams.

Escaping through the tubes, producing oxygen to a beating heart.

Cut it off, to find the bittersweet termination.

The timing circling in quickening paces.
Days becoming years, smiles becoming fears.

Over and above, I am willing to break myself off.
This path. This cell is shaken. Lost in an airway.

No longer living like broken skin off a mattress waiting to be swept.
Ultimate aspiration bleeds for death.

Level after layer, after step after floor.
Can't distinguish where the reality is.

Waking, or dreaming.
Breathing or Sleeping.
Pinch me. Wake me. Suffocate me.

Sound the alarm.
Where do I wake from bewildering shudder rest
Or is it psychasthenia?

Lilium In Lithium

It wrestles, twists.
In spite of it's growth.
From the sprout of it's seed.

Forgetting all it needs.

Rejecting water ricocheting off it's own petals.

Pink, and soft.
White and light.

Streaming through the darkest of earth,
Roots extending below surface.

Wanting to be plucked, and gone.

Lilly droops instead, freckled on the inside, and rare.
Nature to sit by and stare.

But she keeps her head down.
Hoping the world to be erased from her memory.

And wake up in a field of seeded, seamed flowered dreams.
Drying, to a crisp. Quenching. Fighting. Dying, to be pulled out of this ground.
Taken away.

Nothing left but the devoured, shrivelled evidence of existence.

Restless For the Waiters

Everyday you sit
At your desk.

Check this page.

Invade this parade.

Because maybe if we could join each other.
No one would know what it feels like to be alone...

Sometimes I am willing to give that up.
But it's the only thing I have that is permanent.

Isolated in this seclusion,

No one can make this half a whole.

Quarter, Nickel, Scandal

Bored, of playing,
Living, tracing around the same orbit.

I don't want to live here anymore.

I must leave the planet I have held to all these years.

Galaxies are calling to be explored.

I can't hold onto you

Anymore.

Livid

Careless straining
In my voice.

Against all the pain I have tried to fight,
You have caused within me.

Veins becoming visible now.

Suffocation progressing without an escape.

But all exits are indestructibly sealed. 

The Haunting Residue

Red in the eyes,
Protrude, contrive.

Slide of sticks, coat glossy ice.

Count the lines of tracing skates,
That's how long you've been gone.

The rings around a tree bark,
So late it is, they continue to lap around.

Countless circle, after circle.
Your forest dissipating.

What's left? You say, your ghost.

Such a tasteless, restless soul.
You stole.

I dont want to be asked anymore questions.
I just want to go.

In Her Nature

These walls I stare at.
Impossible to see past, to see through.

In this silent, empty room.

Nothing but a window,
A world all too familiar to look out to.

If I must bleed to know what is on the other side.
Cut me open.

Let's run dry.

Submerged in obsession of my own developing thoughts.

'Cause this pen,
Is all I allow myself to have.

A Denial

And maybe I only think that I want you.
Maybe I only think that I love you.
Because perhaps Im just looking for something, anything to love.

Its not like me to need you the way I do.

I'll still doubt that im in love with you...

Inspired By Konstantine

The piano in the living room
Your fingers play it perfectly.

Our love lingers in bedroom sheets,
Naked sunlight, dancing dreams.

Footsteps downstairs, tea cups filled of conversation.

Inseparable and breaking
Impossible to breathe
without these pictures

But when you come back, our world is real again.

I become real again.
I lived alone,
but your lips captured life
In my soul

Now I understand the definition of alive.

Planet Earth

It's  filled with grey,

like the looks of a mute, frayed canvas,

Where has the colour gone.

Where has it faded to?

What am I now.

What were we, ever?

Swerve

Surging through my veins, I run.
Trapped beneath your wrath.

The candle light has begun to dim,
I melt in darkness.

And become my own.

Under covers.
Alone, eternally.

Your sand will turn to stone.

Fleeting

If there is something that could save me, do it now.
If there are reasons for this temporary, please let me know now.

If you could help me feel sane, please. Cure me now.

I have lost passion.
I have lost.
Feeling.

I am breathing but not existing.

Breaking down, and missing.

This life, it could not be real..

Contemplating Loss

Breathing I can feel it.
I can want it.

Lust, breathing in and out in pain.

Nothing to hold onto, I may shatter if I do not.

Evening shall come, sooner or later.

Brisk air, neon pink sunset.

I will cry in your arms, I will give in to what you ask.

Because this world is ending,
No point in waiting anymore.

There's Another 11:11, Tomorrow.

Got scared.

Pushed.

Come back.

What now?

I felt the same.

And, I know.

But you don't.

Gone...

Glass Building

Today I dove in

"welcome," whispered the atmosphere.

The sun is always shining, beneath clouds.

I say "thank you," I'll be back. Tomorrow.

The World A Memoir

Life never feels real to me.
Just temporary and insignificant.

Were just characters in a novel
each of us living through an ordered plot

awaiting the last page.

Don't decide what you believe in,
we don't get the choice when we have an author

whether he creates an afterlife out of an epilogue
more waiting must be done to find out

what will come to our final pages..
And even then, may there come a sequel,
a trilogy?

My sentences have lost their minds.

Pulse

it has no where else to go, to exit this soul.
Frightened and lacking control of the enemy.
I can't breathe.

Each night they capture me.
Each time I lose.

There is no cure to fight it.
I lie awake and feel the pounding of my heart
destructive and drowning.

I just need one look in your eyes
melted honey and glowing,

your glare could be the saving.

The Hope That Starts To Drain

Encircled by the crowd,
claustrophobic in a waiting line.

And I know that you aren't here...
But I still turn my head to look for you.

And now I must look lost
must look alone.

Powerless and falling,
falling without you

Where Do You Go

We spent a night unlike no other.
Curled up to you're body, buried in you're chest.
The sound of you're heart beat.


I just wonder what it was.
You have left me with silence.

I have become invisible.

And in this suffering I wait, continuously glaring into you're empty crevasse.
And the time moves on without me, and you along with time.

Apathetic and cold, with all of my power I aim to melt away.

Expired

There was a place she would go to, mentally.

Everything stacked in unorganized piles,
Such as a storage room inside her head.

Once the heart of this head was shattered,
She locked the door and kept walking..

And now every time she tries to enter..

 Nothing will come out.

Bourn In Thick Coats

Mold growing against the walls,

Its starting to shake, starting to fall..

Left for too long and soaked beneath pipes and drains

No where left for water to flow.

No where safe left to stand.

Surrounded, producing poison casts its ways ahead.

Surfing Underwater

I battered the feelings away,
in a soil beneath my brain.

Ignored, lost, unable to regain consciousness.

The surface brings waves which throw me under,
I can't find a reason, to float. To swim.
To stay atop.

Beneath is where you'll find my treasure.

But who would be willing to dig, to dive?

Smoking Ashes

Glaring beneath the feathers,
sheltering beneath cold.

The world has become white.

In sheets which fall from the sky
In pieces that sprinkle upon me,
only to evaporate the skin of ice, against mine.

The times when life looks small,
It makes me wonder..

Where I am,
What is real.

A Button For Time

Too many tears

maybe I just needed to let someone dry them.

How do you get something back, once it's gone?

Why can't we just rewind..

Extended Season

The snow kissed the ground,
It whispered "Don't let me go."

It's out of my control.

The sun will take you away.

Chasing After Trains

You have crossed the railroad,

There goes our train.

I have been left on the other side.

There you go, again.

But I am running after you, no matter how cold I get.

This time, is better than last time.

This time is when I will fight, for you.

Fight through the train I battle, fight through the breakdown.

And in the end I'll know who's on the other side.

That's all I want to know for certain.

Undertow

The clouds roll in
With thunder concealed
Beneath the pain of waiting rain

And in the torrent you lose my name
I am consumed by wind that's not sane.

The flare of lightening in a monsoon
taken up by roaring downpour

And I spin my way down back to earth
Destroying, throwing, giving you dark.

Twisting through the city,
Do you feel, what I feel now?

A disaster to be made of this place.
You just need to understand my current.
I cannot see the end of the undertow you collapsed upon me.

Burning

Out of reach,

you shine so bright.

Like a star blinks

against the night.

And I want to land among you're horizon

But I dont know if I am seen.

I want to hold you're heart,

and explore you're weary soul.

If I were to give you the sun

it would never burn out, never die.

I try to give you signs,

Without you're notice, I dont know if Ill survive.

I want to escape this shell I'm submerged in 

Can you give me one last time?

Ill lend you all of the soul I have left of love

Because you light me up, light this life.

Red Plaid

Is it just madness?

To distinguish between head and heart
Sometimes I cannot tell.

What I have been ignoring this whole time,
I keep tripping and running back to.

No, it's not a game

You're lips. You're eyes. You.

When will it be for real?

When will it be over.

The Underachiever

It arches, and caves in.

Unaware of how to set himself free.

Trapped in itself.

Unwilling to accept,
Unable to let go.

I have been tracing you're carvings with my finger tips,
I wish you'd stop hiding away.

Your Cocoon

The sun blazes off coats of you're glaze

Of you're frost against the windows.

You are slowly beginning to liquefy

Soon you will be dried up into the pavement.

And I dont know when to expect a return.

And I dont know if it's safe to tell you

How much you're missed.

I will be looking out from indoors,

With the lust that you'll show up at my door.

I want to know why you have gone.

Why you don't return.

When that is all that this heart is asking for....

Wishful Thinking

In the midst of the night
Our voices entwine

Through time and music, buzzing through screens.
The tapping of my fingers against the keyboard.

And I remember the silence,
That I want you to be apart of.

You don't realize that you're wanted..
By the one you just spent last night staring at.

Beneath Your Shade, And Waiting

In the wake of a renaissance
I hold on to you, closely.

but you don't see that.

You're vision is impaired
Toward me.
While I lean toward you.
Unseen.

I hide in the silence
And wonder..

There is nothing else I can do or say
to try and repair you.

Constantly I glare into you're eyes
And give you words you lack of hearing.

But you are also deafened by it all.
Im standing right here, not wanting to say goodbye.
Abiding as long as I possibly could...
You are so far off into another distance.

So far off into another land.
I am entirely here.

I just don't know how to get you here, with me.

Precipitate

Mute skies reflected upon stale slate water...
Clings to the pebbles living beneath the sand
In their horror of the day

The waves roll back submerging a history
of ships and storms

Into streams they swirl
Into winds they curl

In the sky, evaporate.
Fall
Rain
Turn
Sink
Cycle

Back. Over rooftops and down again...

Clear liquid transparent diving from the blue yonder

To hope for the rays in the darkest places of the Earth
And that is such a righteous way to live
In the exploration of love.

A Hollow Tuesday

The ripples
Had quivered.
Embedded in a pool where the rain has placed them.
Hidden under a moist wooden playground
Next to a set of broken swaying swings.

Without the sunlight, we live under grey skies.

And that is all that we have for today.

The Pages That Made You

In blue ink splattered
Across blank, empty pages
You found yourself.

In words, in circles, repeated.

Just with the movement of a hand, there is magic.

You write, you touch, you feel.
You hold another hand within you're own.

And here..you held a pen that found you.

Breathing In Sand

In the wake of you're terrain
I am exposed.

You have left me stranded
In the sands of you're desert.

You have left to say goodnight.
You have left to say goodbye.

You have left me.

In the wake
Of this shrinking terrain.
A land all you're own.

I can't find the exit signs.