Silver

Whenever I see a lonely jet line,

I believe them to be silver linings.

I look for signs from the universe,

In nature.

If you listen you can hear the world speak,

If you look you will see the world show.

It will become your friend,

Afterall... your living here.

heart

You abused me,

You made me feel guilty.

You took advantage.

You tried to take everything you could get.

But it's over now,

you just kept pushing.

Pushing me away

so it would get to this.

This ending.

The world has stopped spinning,

I have stopped feeling.

The fact that you never cared.

And I wanted to be there.

The fact that I believe in you with my whole heart,

and you just let me go like that

is unbearable.

Its unbearable to breathe, and sleep and be alive.

You abused me,

so why do I feel like I need you.

Why,

Do we become addicted to the abuse.

You left me so clueless,

and I want so badly to put it back together.

But you chose to leave me to the rest on the earth,

to myself,

to my broken beating heart.

The Ending We Couldn't Fight

You burned away the parts of me that I gave to you.

And with your flame, I turned to dust.

free

There was so much

I wanted to say,

and you couldnt wait.

There was so much I prepared for,

but of course you had to leave.

Out of everything consuming you,

why did you choose to dispose of me?

I am nothing,

You are no one.

I cry and scream

and all I receive

is silence on the other end

of the one that says he loves me.

When all I wanted

was to be wanted,

I just wasn't enough.

Sleep has left me,

laughter has left me,

you have left me.

And I don't know what to do but im free.

over

You left me.

And I wonder if there is anything

I could have done.

To fix this,

to not be here.

To not be broken.

My heart no longer has your heart,

and I dont know where we went wrong.

I was willing to give you everything.

You never let me be there for you,

I never let you be here for me.

Maybe we werent right.

Maybe this, the being apart is.

No matter how much it stings,

or how much stains.

How much scars,

And what remains.

Sometimes you have to know

that letting go

was the best option.

But it didn't have to be.

You chose not to fight for me.

cluster

You eyes cave into my soul,

your hands wrench around my heart.

Your teeth bite,

And im left to swallow your tongue.

When everything is fading,

When everything is broken,

When tears start cracking

and smiles start to bleed

I am no longer free

from the thoughts

that start to strangle me.

You leave me disappointment

when you spit on the hope I hold onto.

You leave me

Unwanted

When you close the door behind you

and forget that ive been here waiting

for you.

You dont see what you have,

The dark will swallow you whole.

The dark will take your spirits

and cast a hole.

Your blocking the light of the sun

When every stitch has come undone

The cold has begun to come through,

the spots that have melted without you.

and now it shivers

and now I shake

when all I know is that I'm free to break.

I want someone to hold me

and spark the match thats lays at the ends

that lay aside,

that want to come to life.

But again you continue to burn

what has potential to be light.

Constantly you sting,

Constantly you leave,

this dying cave building

it's block inside of me.

Ready to scream, explode and die.

But no one cares,

I often wonder why.

Key

Lying awake

In the light of the cold,

A dark mist twists and falls

and folds.

Becoming a zombie to this world,

I just lay down numb,

I walk without movement,

and whisper without words.

No, none of you know

The particles hidden underneath soil

and earth and dust.

Its the last place you look

You will never find

what you're searching for.

Because you're all heading in the wrong directions.

Look what you've done to the world.

Just look what you've done.

How could you be happy,

How could all be real.

When everything has fallen apart,

like rust on rotting steel.

Effort only lasts so long,

because something else takes over.

The pieces that want to give up,

the pieces that can no longer see.

The world is covered in drapes,

to which no one has the key.

Confounded

I don't like being here.

I don't like the present.

I dislike waiting.

I dislike being stuck here in order to get to somewhere else.

I find it exhausting,

and I strive to escape the world on a daily basis.

Everything is headache and pain and hurt,

and the thing is...It's draining.

Your tired and you want to sleep,

but you have to wake up,

to complete you days and weeks and lives.

I hate routine and schedules and following a track.

I don't like lists and tasks and confinement.

I dont like being here.

I wish the thought of escape would leave my mind.

Its terrifying and it consumes me,

but it takes over me

and I can't fight it.

I don't know what I want anymore,

because I don't want anything at all.

Everything I wish I had the ability to do feels hopeless.

Getting to that somewhere we want to be feels infinitely long and endless.

Like I will never get there.

Too many stages, so many levels.

I wish this mind of mine was not mine,

Its whispering things to me I wish didn't think

or hear or believe.

Its the part of me I have tried to fight,

all my life.

But it wins every time,

and i'm tired of trying to block it out

when it constantly drowns me.

I tell myself "don't panic."

But I can't run away or hide

when I am being chased,

swallowed,

captured

By all the dark I'll ever know.

Spill

Today you told me

your realization of me.

That I don't make sense,

That I don't know what I want,

And that you can't figure me out.

You realize there is apart of me missing,

something i'm not telling you.

My signals confuse you,

But how did you know?

I never realized that you were paying attention.

Your the only one who notices,

The only one in the world.

And I love you...

So what is holding me back from spilling?

insane

Im having nostalgia,

Im losing it.

Im so irritated by everyone.

I have this need to be constantly alone because everyone aggravates the hell out of me.

I have a headache and irritability with the slightest amount of noise,

No, i dont want to hear about your day

I have too much of my own things im trying to accomplish.

You sort your shit out, and ill sort out mine..

My mind is constantly overloading.

I have too much information to process all at once.

now that I am in school,

My brain is moving at 10 times the speed.

Assignments, readings, projects, no time.

I feel the need to complete every little thing as soon as I am assigned it,

even if it isnt due for 6 weeks.

Im insane

Indefinite

I never understood it when adults would say "If I could go back and redo high school, I would."

To be honest, I personally hated High School. People are insecure, immature, mean and overall just...lost. I was always alone during breaks and lunch. I often wondered if there was something wrong with me, and why I never had someone to sit with or go out to eat with. I would wonder all on my own trying to kill time day after day for four years. It felt like it would never end. Like most teenagers I had my own self esteem issues that got me down and most of the time I felt dazed and confused. About everything. Things that I dont even think about, now. My question to everything in existence was "why?" I couldn't grasp an understanding of life or myself. But in the blink of an eye High School did end. I made it, I survived and well graduated. Just the fact that I completed and succeeded felt like a huge accomplishment because I struggled through most of it not school-wise, but mentally, and emotionally.

I am now in my first year of college. I am in a relationship. I am confident with my independence and myself. I know who I am, and I like who I am. These are sentences I never thought i'd speak. High school is just one hell of a waiting room. When your out life really does begin like they told you. Your a totally different person. Your older, wiser, stronger. You find the happiness you were searching for all throughout your adolescence. You find answers, maybe not to life but within yourself. And once you find yourself that is when you become content with everything and everyone in your environment. Things actually start to make sense. Giving up, quitting. These two things are not worth doing.

Everyone has potential if you apply yourself. I learned that "can't" is a word that will not get you anywhere and it shouldn't have to be a word to define anything. Don't apply that word to yourself because you CAN. If you don't believe how will you succeed?

Have belief in yourself, in your dreams and your goals. Strong belief will become reality. It is all in the mind which YOU control. Never give up, before you do consider all options and ask yourself if you have even tried. Tried everything there possibly is to try. Seek answers, seek advice, seek within yourself. Doing that, and knowing that and having that ability will let and help you know everything there is to know. Lonely, will not be lonely if you know and are comfortable with who you are.

I am sitting alone typing this right now, half an hour till my next class. You know what? I am perfectly content with it. I dont feel hopeless, or empty. And I am certainly not questioning if there is something the matter with me just because I dont have an acquaintance next to me. That will not solve your problems. Learn to love yourself, because if you don't how will another learn to love you?

I do not hold all the answers or secrets to the world, but that is why I want to go out into the world and explore it, travel it, witness all there possibly is to see. Breathe. I want to feel every emotion in every humanly possible way. That is what helps you grow more so. For every time you get lost, you will find yourself, or rather you will find something. I can guarantee that, as long as you are paying attention, and you will start to see and gather and notice the things you have found. The things you have searched for, and the knowledge you have gained.

Be alert, be alive. Most importantly... be happy.

I dont know that there is a reason for everything, but I most definitely try to believe in that.

I try to believe that the sun shines for a reason, the same as why we are here, what we are doing here, what we are for, where will we go?

It's is not a matter of knowing, this life. It is the matter of being here and making the most of every moment and every day. Time is moving, quickly. We are moving quickly. Hold on to the sight of the stars and the wind in the atmosphere. I recognize that something is here. You will start to feel that way too, you can.

I do not believe there is one single word which is to define life or the meaning of it. It is. That is all I can say, it just is, and we just are. Maybe others will understand that, maybe others wont. But that is what I have to say, that is what I feel.

I feel like there is music playing in the background, like there are secrets hiding behind the clouds, between dreams and within sleep.

Never let go of anything you passionately and infinitely believe in, because it is real and it is apart of you. Don't lose yourself.

Some tides may break and others may be swallowed, just know that you are apart of the world, you are existing so let yourself exist, and feel and live.

Your thoughts can whisper danger,

that will follow you everywhere you go.

But remember the world, remember where you are standing.

Hold on to everything that you are.

Every part of you matters, even if it doesn't to somebody else.

It matters to something, to somewhere.

It matters to this place you were brought to,

Long after you are gone

there will be silence of you,

shades of you.

I can hear the music in the background.