The Reasons We Wonder

It's crazy right,
That you're on the other side of the country,
And I still care?

Crazy,
how feelings can continue to develop,
Even if your just conversing through technology.

When this happens I want to stop speaking to you,
Texting you, messaging you.

Because you're not here physically,
And what is the point of these screens?

I may as well shut everything off,
And pretend you don't exist.

But even if there is a month of a gap of silence,
You never fail to ask me how I'm doing,
And tell me you miss speaking to me.

I'm sorry but i'd rather be empty and lonely,
Then loving and terrified.

I have a guard I can't hide.
And I can't give anyone mine.

I'll say I miss you,
I felt it the first time you departed.
And I've questioned why ever since.

But I don't know how to do this,
Therefore, I can't.

Therefore, I'll just miss you.
It's better than having it all.