How to Swim

I couldn't tell you why I left.
I guess I thought it would be an escape.
I guess I  thought I'd find something, and come home happy.

But the truth is, I never was.
I'm still not.

It's a struggle for me to feel what happy feels like,
because mostly all I feel is the pain.

Everywhere I go,
In everyone and in everything.

I thought it would be life-altering.

It wasn't worth leaving behind.
Nothing has changed,
I'm still the same.

But I'm still lost.
I don't know who to reach out to or how.

I don't even know how to save me from myself,
So I live each day in this hopelessness that consumes me

Until I am taught how to swim..