Caution

A knock at the door is what made my day.

A knock at the door.

A surprise.

A person.

Who cautioned me not to get my heart into this..

I haven't, I won't and I also can't...
The truth is I don't feel anything at all.
And I don't know how to begin to feel
Again.

Hell

You brought a storm,
When I had found my happiness.

You took it away from me,
you made me miserable.

You left me constantly waiting and disappointed.
And you said the words "I love you."
But in the end they weren't what you meant.

You took away my sun,
You stole it.

You made me feel worthless.
You threw me away.

And now I'm lost.
I'm fucking lost.

I have built up so much hate.
I don't know how to forgive you.
But I know it's what I need to do to let go.

I can't right now because I saw all the warning signs,
and I chose to ignore them.

You left me disappointed not only in you, but myself.
I hate you. And  I wish I could yell those words at you.

You don't deserve anything you wish for.
You only deserve misery. And hell.

I hope you fucking go to hell.

Welcome

Your dedicating music to me,
Words to me.

Your dedicating.

You are here.

I love beginnings.
I love this excitement.

You make me feel
Like you are good for me.

And realize what wasn't good,
In the past.

I don't even know how you came here,
In my life.

But you are becoming an aspect.
An aspect that just might take up my heart.

Finished

I'm not aware
It's not that I'm not there,
It's that I wasn't,
Before.

I wasn't there,
To hear you cry,
To keep you company
Before your goodbye.

I lost the air inside my lungs,
The minute you hung up,

I came undone.

Thank-you.

You make me smile. You make me feel. Again. You make me remember hope. You make me remember the butterflies and endless smiles. You compliment me the way no one else does. And I don’t want to have my hopes too high. But you make me happy, and that is enough for now.

Trying to Try

It's like I noticed you standing in front of me for a reason,
But i'm trying to forget it.

I am unwilling to stand here again with open arms,
and receive nothing.

I am unwilling to have my heart taken from my chest,
only to be thrown away.

It is not a game.

And once it stops beating,
Life is over.

The World We Live In

The world. It's this place we're living in. It's this place we can explore and discover endless possibilities. It's a reminder of all the beauty that surrounds us, even when we aren't noticing. Even when we have forgotten. The beauty here is in everything. All you have to do is look up at the stars. And see that they are shining.

At the Sea Shore

You asked her questions

about me.

But you told me you loved me.

I stil don't understand.

How you could hold my hand

And not ask me what was wrong.

I don't understand why you would be

afraid of me.

You said you loved me.

But you never tried to understand

This person that I am. You didn't. Love me. You didn't.

You sailed away, and left me at the shore.

And i'm still glaring into the sunset,

Wondering if you'll ever come back for me.

Secret Someone's

Someone broke their promise,

Someone made it rain.

Someone out there is crying,

Because someone is the one to blame.

Someone out there can't see,

Their life is wearing thin.

And all the other someones 

Just don't know where to begin.

Someone out there is dying,

Maybe that someone is already dead.

And someone out there is hurting,

with words they left unsaid.

Someone out there loves you,

Someone out there has been forgotten.

For every heart that is broken,

Love has been found.

Balance, gain, loss.

Break, heal. 

And know that someone out there needs you.

One of the someones is you.

The Cure For Pain

"Heaven knows, I try to find a cure for the pain. Oh my lord, to suffer like you do. It would be a lie to run away..."

-Jon Foreman.

The Founded Hurt

Something is gone.
And you want it.
But you no longer wanted it
when it was yours.

It brought you anger and frustration,
And you were done dealing with it all.

But i close my eyes and sleep at night.
And you are all I see.

I can't avoid you.
Even if you aren't in my life.
I still see you at night.

I try to walk away,
But in my dreams I only want you to stay.

And though my heart is already broken,
And I have fled to the sea.

All the feelings that I don't want
Find a way to rupture me.

Rupture a hole that has been healed,
Rupture the scars that have been sealed.

I have found the difficulty in breathing,
I once believed the world was leaving.

But it was only me,
Wanting to be gone.
It was only me,
The me you never even got to see.

Replusive

I can't stand

Who you try to be

And who you think you are.

I can't stand how people believe

The act you put on,

The lies you hand out.

You use their hearts,

and then toss them out.

Pleasure is all that you want,

All that you need.

And you don't deserve to have it.

This is why you never got it from me.

I hope you drown in misery.

Left Off

Hope is burning holes through the sky.
Tears are streaming down from our eyes.

And we all fall down,
To pick back up,
From where we left off.

Love is burning fire in our chests,
Locks are being broken, just to test.

And we all get up,
So, to not give up.
From where we left off.

This is where we left off.

All I Wanted

All I wanted was to share our secrets.
All I wanted was for you to want me, and fight to stay.

But you left me in the dark,
As soon as you walked away.

Leaving

Black and sinking,
Red and bleeding,
Blue and breathing.

You said you loved me,
but now you're leaving.

Treasure

Swallowed words.
Unspoken memories.

These are the things
That make me love me.

I store thoughts in a treasure box,
Buried in the back of my mind.

Because it's the place I know you'll never find.

Daydreamer

You keep trying to stop yourself.
Letting force begin to take control.
Not allowing yourself to have what you wish to have.

When you really got to let it go,
And go after what your dreaming of.

Eject

You want to take out,
Everything you just consumed.

You regret it all,
And now it's just growing inside of you.
Waiting to be ejected.

Outside.

You shell yourself,
In that cave your living in.

If you came out you would see
That there is light
Outside.

Infinite.

"Welcome to the universe."
Those are the words you whispered.

The universe- It is infinite.
Does that mean that maybe we are too?

Useless

My hands are shaking.

No, I can't find my grip.

I keep losing it.

I keep losing.

No, I don't feel anything.

I only feel pain.

Im turning numb.

I am fear,

I am anxiety,

I am concerned.

I am paranoia.

As thin as felt, and i'm beginning to tear.

Tear apart, break and fall.

I can't process.

I can't get over this hill thrown in front of me.

My hands are shaking.

My world is breaking.

My life is ending.

-

Life Altering.

I got to listen to an amazing speaker today at College.
She had changed lives in Africa, and it was the best life altering story I have heard in a long amount of time. This was something she said that rang true to my ears:

"Never underestimate how powerful you are."


Remember that.

Gone

You let the water fill your lungs,
You let yourself sink,
down, down, down.

Until all your emptiness
Had been consumed
By water.



Only things is,

Now your gone.

Secrets

I have seen things that you don't notice,
and maybe never will.

I have felt things so strange,
No one has ever known.

I keep thoughts and ideas and pictures
Inside my head.

Only for me to hear.
Because I think if I tell you,
Your going to take it away.

I can't let any of you take these away,
These things inside of me.
As much as I have wished for them to end,
I wouldn't wish to give them up.

But you will never understand me,
Because no one ever tries to know me.

And I have never asked for help,
Maybe I don't want help.
Or maybe I just don't know how to ask for it.
I dont know
How.

Find Me

I just want to be found.
But who is willing to do the searching,
and the caring
and the love.

Who will give me all of that?
If you exist, where are you?
And how much longer will it be till you get here...

Stop

When you start to believe in nothing,
When you start to say good bye
When you start missing
When you start crying,
and give up trying.
When this feeling never stops,
and almost everything feels as if it isn't real and happening.

The world is spinning,
while your watching.

And you are left to save yourself,
But you don't know
where to start
where to end..

If there were a button that said "stop"
Who would hesitate to push it?

Black

It's like the smoke drifting from a fire,
Farther into the sky.
And I'm slowly fading,
Black
And disappearing.

Every Promise

Do you care anymore?
'Cause you don't smile at me the way you used to.
And every promise you made has come undone,
And my heart keeps getting smaller.

Plays of Repeat

Every part of her was awakening.
Everything living.
And beautiful.

But in the end, it all goes away.
All it took was one thing.


And all the pieces fell apart, once again.

Stangers

You were becoming something to me.

We were becoming apart. Of each other.

Becoming one.

And then you said it. So loud.

And I fell off the swing.

Into the ocean.

Into the waves.

And now we are apart.

And now we have become, nothing.

Taken

No, you don't get your say in this.

When you took my heart, you broke it.

When I trusted you, you stole it.

When I asked you to try harder, you let go.

So, you don't get your say in this.

You don't get anything. At all.

Hero

Empty is an understatement.

Hurt, loss, abandonment.

It's not worth it.

It's just not.

I'd rather be that person

Who makes themselves their own hero.

Because everyone else who comes, will eventually leave.

And everyone who comes and promises not to hurt you,

will hurt you the most.

So yes,

If it takes shutting everyone out.

Giving up hope,

Never becoming anything to anyone,

and never letting anyone become anything to you ever again.

If it takes lying to yourself and being lonely.

If it takes away feeling and leaves you nothing.

It's worth it.

I'd rather have that than feel this.

Than feel worthless.

It's not the fact that

you walked out on me,

It's the fact that I walked out on myself,

Because of you.

I can't accept that.

I only promise to never do this again.

I need myself more than I will ever need anyone else.

Anyone else.

So yes,

Be alone,

Hurt, cry, be numb.

Choose that.

I'd rather keep my secrets,

than bleed them out to a person

until I have none left for myself.

I need to know that I have parts of myself.

Left somewhere inside.

To give that all away,

Leaves a hole,

and after that hole grows a brick wall.

You said it was fine.

You said that castles were fine.

That you would be okay with it.

And then you left,

you never tried,

you never loved

You only lied.

So if it takes saying goodbye to everything ive ever felt.

I will do it.

to save myself.

To save.

Anything and everything I have left now.